


Things That We Got Wrong

by evelinaonline



Series: The Kids Aren't Alright [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Ben Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves Death, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Brotherly Love, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, Hurt/Comfort, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Mild Gore, No Incest, Overdose, Pansexual Klaus Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, nonbinary klaus hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-27 16:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinaonline/pseuds/evelinaonline
Summary: Ben supposes death isn't the weirdest thing that has happened to him. Becoming best friends with Klaus though? That he never would have guessed.





	1. The Wind Howls and Bites

" _Making up problems that don't exist  
_ _Why do I let myself dream like this?"  
_ — _Meteor Shower, Cavetown_

* * *

Ben didn't know what defined him anymore.

He knew there was more to it than his childhood home—if he could even call it that; a home—but sometimes it was hard to look past his number. He'd been Number Six of The Umbrella Academy, The Horror, for as long as he could remember. To most, it didn't matter what his actual name was. Sometimes he wondered if anyone cared at all.

Each time his dad referred to him by his number—which was every time—he was sickened to the core. He was Six. Not One, not Two; Six. Ben was starting to lose grip on what that title actually meant.

It was scary, not being able to see past the academy, which was the exact reason he had to get out of there.

The idea had crossed his mind more than once, but he always shook it off. It came to him in bits; fantasizing about going to college, making normal friends that didn't have to share their body with eldritch monsters, and working part-time at a coffee shop or something. It wasn't until the last Sunday night of September, as he was taking his evening shower, that he really settled on it. On leaving.

For the first time in a long time, Ben was excited. It was ridiculous how often he caught himself smiling at the thought, but he simply couldn't help it. Watching his siblings sneak out at night reminded him of his plan. Opening his closet to grab a clean uniform led to trying to decide what clothes to pack with him. He couldn't even pay attention to his new book anymore.

That smile never lasted long.

How could it, with dear old Dad lurking in the hallways at night? Ben was certain there was no man more controlling than Sir Reginald Hargreeves. He didn't know of another person that hooked their kids up to monitors every Monday night, or that made them fight each other in the backyard, and let's not forget about constantly nagging them about saving the world.

Yeah right.

The general public may had described the Umbrella Academy as a boarding school, however it was anything but. Ben would rather use _jail_ to describe it.

Yet he still held out hope. He had a plan, after all.

The only problem was how exactly he'd carry all of his clothes and books without a suitcase. Or how he'd take a bus with no money. Or where he'd _stay._ He was turning eighteen in less than a week, and the list only seemed to grow.

Okay, maybe his plan wasn't _really_ a plan.

He needed to ask for help.

But who would he even tell?

Luther was a no go from the start. He was the one who would most likely tell Dad, and although Ben would be legally an adult and safe from him by then, he was not in the mood for being scolded. Hell, Luther's resemblance of Dad, intentional or not, was part of the reason Ben had to leave.

Diego seemed like a good choice at first. He was already on a sneaking-out basis to attend the police academy, and Ben knew he was planning on running away as soon as he had enough money for his own place. The last thing Ben wanted was to be a burden, not to mention he didn't really know Diego.

Allison was also a no go. If he were honest, her powers kind of scared him, and she was starting to rely on them more and more. Ben knew his sister would never turn on him, but there was this little voice in his head telling him to stay away. He couldn't risk being rumored, even if it was for his own safety.

That left him with Vanya and Klaus, and both could go down equally wrong.

For as long as Ben could remember, Vanya had been his best friend, despite Five being hers. It was always the three of them; Five, Six and Seven. Who knew that taking one number out of the equation would ruin all of it?

Ben supposed Five would have known. He always had a way with math—he always had a way with _everything_ —and maybe he'd know what to do now too, if he were here.

But he wasn't, and that only made things worse between him and Vanya. They'd grown distant, acting like strangers just like everyone else in that house. Ben still considered her his best friend though. How could he not?

Regardless of what their status was, he knew Vanya wouldn't take his decision to leave lightly. Ben decided it would be best to tell her when he had everything figured out, rather than have her point out every flaw in his plan.

Last but not least, Klaus.

He and Ben had never really been close as kids. Ben much preferred Vanya and Five's company, and would more than often allow himself to be completely alone in the quiet corners of his room with a couple of books to keep him company.

Klaus, on the other hand, did everything Ben wouldn't. He was loud, just a tad annoying, and the center of attention. Ben would often see him in Allison's room by day, trying on new outfits and painting their nails, and sneaking into Diego's at night. Sometimes it was hard not to wonder how he wasn't being kicked out.

They were basically polar opposites, the two of them, and that complicated things a bit. The quiet and obedient child asking the carefree and chaotic one for advice—the irony, Ben thought—but it wasn't as if he had any other choice.

Klaus wasn't exactly trying to hide his own desire to get as far away from the academy as possible, and in a way, he was already out. He sneaked out regularly, knew the town relatively well, and even if his ways weren't always the safest, he knew how to cheat himself into almost everything. When it came down to it, there was no better option than Klaus.

So three nights before their eighteenth birthday, Ben knocked on his brother's door.

There was no response, so Ben knocked again.

"Klaus," he whispered just loud enough for Klaus to hear. It wasn't as if he could knock any harder; he knew when knocking became too loud, all of the siblings did. Ben wasn't the only one sneaking behind their father's back at night. "It's me, Ben."

No reply.

Ben sighed in defeat, starting to backtrack towards his room, but just before he could distance himself enough, the door to his brother's room opened, revealing a panting Klaus.

"Give a guy some time to climb back in his room from his window, will ya?"

* * *

Klaus really didn't know why he got himself into the stuff he did.

Or rather he did, but he chose to play drama queen, even in his own thoughts. It was much easier to pretend that everything was beyond his control than to admit he had pushed Diego a tad too far this time, or that the extra pill he'd taken would probably result in him waking up in the hospital. Whatever. He'd much rather be told he was gonna die than to face these ghosts again.

Which was why he was in need of a restock. He'd run out of acid or Molly or dextro _whatever_ last night, and knew booze alone wasn't enough to keep him secured. Not after a mausoleum night.

Sometimes it scared him how careless and unaware he became when he was high. One time he'd woken up on the toilet, having fallen asleep while he was _peeing_ or whatever. Others he couldn't afford to care. Yeah, toilets could sometimes be as comfortable as his bed. Who needs pyjamas when you can sleep with your underwear halfway up?

Not Klaus. He never really fell asleep anyway, unless passing out on your bedroom floor qualified as sleeping. It did its job. Sometimes.

He was a mess, and he knew it. Maybe Diego was right, and he should cut loose for a while. Let his body recover.

Today was not that day.

He'd sneaked out again, in hopes to catch his dealer in the neighborhood. He owed him some money—which he did, in fact, return—and grabbed something new while he was at it. Something stronger, he'd told him, but not too strong.

He almost fell off his window when he heard a knock on his door.

For once in his life, he was grateful he'd resisted on popping his newly bought pills on the spot. Had he been any more out of his mind, he really would have fallen off. His timing be damned though, Klaus was stuck on his window. He forgot to leave it open again, and getting it open from the outside while hanging on its edge for dear life was a real pain in the ass, to say the least.

He finally managed to get it open, just in time to hear his brother Ben whisper next to his door, after knocking it again. Klaus almost tripped as he jumped in his room, but eventually made it inside safe and sound.

And so did Ben.

Klaus invited him in, quietly closing the door—as if he hadn't woken Pogo or something up already—and clasped his hands together, turning to his brother.

Ben was already sitting on Klaus' bed, eyes studying the room. He'd been in his room before, not nearly as many times as Diego or Allison, but still. Klaus was sober enough to suspect something was up, if not only by the curiosity in Ben's eyes or the way he bounced his leg. At least the way Ben scanned the room wasn't piercing, as Five's was. Ben's eyes sparkled every time they moved to another object, or so it felt like.

Okay, maybe Klaus was a little bit high.

He shrugged, lighting up a cigarette and opening his window again. One day, he'd swear revenge on it for the many times it had locked him out. At least this time he wasn't forced to use the front door. His body shook at the mere thought of it.

"I'm moving out."

Klaus almost dropped the cigarette out the window.

He turned around slowly to face Ben, unsure of whether his brother had actually said that or if it was the drugs talking. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He mumbled some nonsense instead, and not even Klaus himself was sure what it meant.

"The night after our birthday," Ben continued.

Klaus hesitated to speak up again, doing some quick math with his fingers. "But that's in three days."

Ben nodded.

Klaus needed to sit down.

He didn't know why it came as this much of a shock to him. He supposed it was because Ben was the last person he'd expect would ever break the rules, even as an adult capable of making his own decisions. Then again, what did Klaus know about responsibility?

Still, that was _Ben._ His brother who was so closed to himself he wouldn't even ask Mom for more food. His brother who had never raised his voice at anyone, at least of what Klaus knew, the one who would cry himself to sleep at night because he was _scared._

How could Ben possibly gather up the courage to leave everything behind?

"Why are you telling me this?" Klaus finally asked.

"Well, the thing is," Ben looked to the side, like he always did when he was embarrassed, "I think I need some help?"

"You _think_ you might need help?"

"I _definitely_ need help," Ben corrected himself.

"And you came to me?" Klaus asked. He had never been more confused in his life. "No one comes to me for stuff, like, ever!"

"Who else could I go to?"

"Well, I don't know," Klaus said, standing up. "Vanya? Your best friend? Perhaps?"

Ben shook his head. "I can't."

There was something about the way Ben's voice lost its excitement and how his gaze fell to the ground that made Klaus' heart shatter. Sure, he didn't really know Ben, but it didn't make seeing him like this any easier.

Klaus couldn't remember the last time someone had needed his help, but Ben? He needed his help. Ben genuinely needed his help.

Klaus took a deep breath, leaning against the wall.

"Okay."

Ben looked up at him, disbelief written all over his face. "Okay?"

"I'll help you," Klaus explained, and seeing Ben beam in joy was enough for him to know he'd made the right choice. "What do you need?"

"A suitcase, for starters," Ben began, not wasting a single second, catching Klaus off guard, "and some info on where to go. Definitely that. Oh, and perhaps some cash? I'll pay you back, I promise, I just need a bus ticket or something, but I promise you I'll pay you back as soon as I—"

" _Ben."_

He stopped, probably running the nonsense he had just blabbered through his head. "Oops." Ben blushed. "Sorry."

Klaus rolled his eyes, putting out the cigarette he hadn't even smoked and leaving it at the edge of his window. "Now," he said, "you gotta ditch the suitcase idea. It's too expensive, and I'm not even sure it's worth taking from dear old Papa. Rolling it around is too much of a trouble."

"I see," Ben said, audibly bumped. "How will I get my stuff then?"

"You won't," Klaus said as seriously as he could, and could have sworn he saw all of Ben's hair almost fall off. "I'm just messing with you, relax."

Ben sighed in relief, and Klaus smiled. That nerd wouldn't survive out there without his books, and it wasn't as if he had a library card, or whatever it was that gave him all the latest best sellers for free. Did Ben even read best sellers? What even qualified as a best seller? Just how many books were—

"Earth to Klaus?"

Klaus shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts. "Right, sorry. You'll need a backpack. A big one."

The night went on and on just like that. Ben asking questions, Klaus giving what he _thought_ were good answers, but were probably sloppy instead. Ben seemed pleased though, listening to every single detail. Klaus couldn't remember the last time he had someone's undivided attention like that.

That's when it started sinking in to Klaus; he was all alone.

Diego was leaving the moment he turned eighteen, and Klaus wasn't even sure if he'd stay to celebrate at all. Allison was as good as gone, rumoring herself into whatever acting school she wanted, whenever she wanted. He wasn't too sure about Vanya, but he'd caught her looking at some apartments the other day. And Luther? Klaus didn't even want to think what staying alone with Luther meant. If Ben left too, he was screwed.

"Can I come with you?"

The question left Klaus' lips before he could even process it, and with it changed the atmosphere.

Ben looked at him in a way he never had before. Confusion mixed with disappointment, surprise mixed with panic. He was judging Klaus, and Klaus was the only one to blame. If only he hadn't been so careless again, the only positive interaction he'd had in months wouldn't have been ruined.

It was all gone now though. Thrown away. And it was all his fault. Klaus truly, truly hated himself.

" _Please_ do," Ben eventually said, all the fear being washed away from his face.

The smile that crept up Klaus' face at that moment was the most genuine the Umbrella Academy had seen in years.

* * *

Ben woke up with a smile for the first time in seven years.

Talking to Klaus had been a great idea. Not only did he have a way out, but also someone to tag along with him. If he were honest with himself, Ben had no idea what to expect from Klaus. He knew his brother had a chaotic lifestyle, which Ben could never live by, but also that he needed him.

Klaus needed Ben too. The look on his face when he'd asked if he could come with him was practically begging for Ben to say yes. Ben didn't even think about it twice. Truth was, as much as he wanted to leave the academy, he wasn't sure he wanted to let go of his siblings just yet.

Ben and Klaus needed each other to get out there, and Ben was willing to sacrifice his comfort zone in order to do so—not that he had ever truly been comfortable in his life. Maybe that would change after they left.

Ben ran over the things he had to do in his head; decide on what he'd take with him, sneak out with Klaus tonight to buy a backpack and a cellphone, tell Vanya… Maybe he didn't have to. He was going to leave his number behind anyway, so—

No. He was going to tell her today, in person. He felt confident about his plan, and he wanted to give Vanya some time to think.

He'd tell her right after he settled on what to wear on his first night as a free man.

It was true, he still had two days left till then, but he couldn't help it. Dad had canceled morning training for whatever reason, and they had a free hour for themselves. He was certain he'd never felt this much excitement in his life before.

Ben opened his closet, looking past the countless sets of uniforms, and straight to the clothes he'd chosen for himself. For the longest time, none of the siblings owned anything other than their uniforms and pyjamas, but some time after Five left, they were allowed to choose some outfits.

He'd mostly chosen colorful shirts, like the ones normal kids his age would wear. _Kids,_ he scoffed. Ben was almost eighteen, and he still couldn't think of himself as anything other than a child.

He grabbed a pair of jeans, and a black hoodie, throwing his pyjamas on his bed. It looked normal enough, but Ben wasn't satisfied yet. Hesitantly, he unhung his leather jacket, wearing it on top of the hoodie.

He checked himself out in the mirror, and couldn't help but grin. He bet not even Klaus would put a leather jacket on top of a baggy hoodie, and that thought alone made him want to show his brother his outfit more.

In the end, Ben ended up grabbing a pair of sunglasses, the ones with the blue lenses that Allison gave him last year, to top it all. He almost burst out laughing as he put on his shoes and headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth. Klaus was going to love this.

He ran into Luther there, who gave him a very puzzled look.

"You look…" Luther struggled to find the right word while scanning Ben from head to toe, "... nice."

"Thanks," Ben said, ignoring Luther's confusion—it amused him more than he'd ever admit.

He finished up, leaving Luther to himself and headed to Klaus' room. He found himself smiling again, hopping in the hallway instead of walking. He couldn't control himself, and it felt good. Feeling out of the ordinary.

He knocked on the door, and this time Klaus did respond. Ben pushed the door open, only to see a half naked Klaus trying to decide on what shirt to go for. Ben jumped, shutting the door closed as quickly as he opened it.

"Jesus, Klaus," he mumbled. Seeing his brother in his underwear was not something he had signed up for.

"Ah, young and innocent Benny," Klaus joked. "Scared of my gorgeous bod?"

"You're _naked_ , Klaus," Ben said, leaning against the closed door. "At least give me a heads up."

"Alright fine, ' _I'm naked!'_ Happy?"

Ben chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Sure." Sometimes he forgot how funny Klaus actually was.

"I'm wearing pants nowww," Klaus said, opening the door. Ben almost lost his balance as the surface behind his back retreated, but Klaus caught him. "Sheesh, Ben, _at least give me a heads up!"_

"Ha, ha." Ben stood on his feet again. "Good morning to you too."

"Well you certainly look different," Klaus said, tapping on Ben's glasses. "Love the lenses~"

"Thanks!" Ben smiled. "It's what I'll wear when we leave."

"Ah, yes, the big night," Klaus said. He picked up two shirts, and even though Ben pointed at the green one, Klaus went for pink. "And you put it on now why?"

"To show you?" Ben said. "I thought it'd be fun, I don't know."

"It _is_ fun!" Klaus said, taking Ben's hands in his. "You know I love makeovers. You look dazzling. I do miss the color on you though."

Ben shrugged. "I felt like going for something different, since we are _starting_ something different, you know?"

"Oh, yes, I love your mind," Klaus said. "So what you're suggesting is I wear a dress?"

"I said _out_ of the ordinary, Klaus, you plus dresses is an everyday sight."

"Imagine me breaking out in heels, though!" Klaus gasped. "It'd look so badass, oh god."

"And break your jaw again?" Ben couldn't help but laugh. "But it _would_ look badass, yeah."

"Knew you couldn't resist my charm," Klaus teased, letting go of Ben's hands, and making him laugh again. "Seriously though, you look great. Maybe a _tad_ emo. But great."

A smile crept up Ben's face. "You know, I saw Luther before—or rather, he saw _me_ —and he looked so—"

Ben was interrupted by the all-too-familiar sound of the mission alarm going off, followed by their father's voice.

" _Attention, children,"_ he began, and Ben felt chills down his spine.

Not another mission.

" _An emergency situation has occurred—"_

Not today. Ben really wasn't in the mood today.

"— _four hostages, including the town's mayor—"_

Not today. Not today, not today, not today.

"— _in the car this instant!"_

The alarm stopped, and so did the broadcasting of Dad's voice. Ben took a deep breath, pulling himself together. It was one mission, then it'd be over. Missions meant they'd have the rest of the day free to recover, and if he stood lucky, maybe he wouldn't have to use the tentacles either.

He and Klaus looked at one another for a second, before running out the room. Ben ditched his glasses on their way down, probably somewhere in the hallway. It didn't matter. All they had to do was get the mission over with and—

"What are you _wearing?"_ Diego asked on their way to the car. It wasn't the one they used for public missions. This one was faster, and smaller, but wasn't like they had a choice.

Luther got the passenger seat, as always, leaving the other four to squeeze themselves in the back. Ben got the left window, Diego got the middle seat, and Allison was sitting on top of Klaus at the right.

"It wasn't like I had time to change," Ben said. Out of all the siblings, only Luther was in his uniform.

"You're one to talk, you're wearing your _edgy spandex_ again," Klaus added.

"At least I'm not wearing a skirt and heels."

Allison glared at Diego. "How was I supposed to know—"

"Silence!" The whole car quieted down at the sound of their father. Ben took a deep breath, reminding himself that in just a few days, he wouldn't have to listen to his cold tone again. "Listen carefully to what I'm about to tell you."

It was some thug group, like the ones they'd always deal with, only that lives were at stake this time. According to the report, they had hostages, the bartender of the bar and some other customers.

It was okay. They probably only had guns. They'd be in and out.

"Alright, here's the plan," Number One said, turning to the rest of them. _Luther,_ Ben corrected himself. It scared him how when they were on missions, he tended to think of everyone as numbers. Ironically enough, he'd picked up that habit from Luther.

Ben and Diego would go in from the back, Klaus and Allison got the front, and Luther would enter through the window as a distraction.

It was okay. Guns only. In and out. Breathe.

Ben nodded at Diego, and on the count of three, they barged into the bar.

They were fired at almost immediately. Ben dodged a bullet just barely as he threw himself at one of the guys. Three more circled around him, and his stomach rumbled in response. _Not yet,_ Ben told himself, taking out two of his opponents. If there was one thing he was grateful his dad taught him, it was hand-to-hand combat. Then again, he wouldn't have needed it in the first place if he had a normal life.

"Someone cover the— _Ben,_ the hostages!"

"Got it!" Ben yelled back, reaching for the five tied-up people at his right. There was a woman in her thirties that wore a black suit, who Ben could only assume was the mayor. Ben leaned down, taking the duct tape off her mouth. "You're going to be okay."

She looked strangely calm for someone who had basically been kidnapped, but Ben wasn't one to judge—it wasn't as if he had time anyway, with all the bullets he needed to watch out for—and went on to set the rest of the hostages free.

"Alright," he said, gesturing them to stand behind him. "When I say go, you— _AGH!"_

Ben didn't have time to process what happened as he fell on his knees. He covered his stomach, coughing loudly, desperately trying to take cover. If the horror was complaining before, now it was furious.

He turned around to face the hostages, only to see them towering over him in a not-so-friendly way. They all had smirks on their faces as they leaned in closer, starting to kick him.

"BEN!" he heard someone yell, he wasn't sure who. All he knew was that the hostages were suddenly gone, and he was placed behind a counter. He was safe, for now.

"What—" he coughed, sitting up and leaning his back against the counter. "What happened to the mayor? And the hostages?"

"There are no hostages," Diego said—so he was the one that had saved Ben—and stood on his feet again. "Don't you move."

Ben wasn't sure for how long he was sitting there, but it gave him enough time to think. Who they thought were innocent people were part of the gang they were trying to stop.

It was all part of the setup.

He took a deep breath, standing on his feet again. _Just guns,_ he reminded himself, almost mockingly. Yeah. Just guns.

There had to be around twenty people in that room, not counting those who had fallen in battle, and they were slowly closing in on them. Ben was suddenly not alone in that dusty corner of the bar, having been joined by his siblings.

"Allison, rumor them into—"

"She's been hurt," Luther interrupted Ben. Their sister was _this close_ to falling unconscious, a gun wound on her shoulder, and a limping leg. She was coughing, trying to speak up loudly enough for her powers to work, but it was clear she'd lost that ability.

Diego, Luther and Klaus were also hurt, but not as badly as Allison. It wasn't as if they could use their powers though. Klaus didn't know how, Luther's were useless against a crowd that big, and Diego had lost his knives in battle.

The Umbrella Academy had been in numerous tricky situations, but never before had they been surrounded by so many guys at once. Not just any guys; they'd known about their powers and had successfully stunned every single one of them. Who knew how long they'd spent studying them? It didn't matter. The Umbrella Academy had been the real target of the attack from the start.

In a way, they were just waiting to get shot.

"Come on, Ben, come on, just do it, you can do it," Ben told himself again and again, trying to focus on his powers. It was as if the universe was mocking him, sending every single curse at its disposal his way.

Ben had barely been able to contain the horror in his stomach before, so why was he begging _it_ to come out now—

Pain.

He didn't even have time to raise his shirt as the horror launched itself forward, grabbing onto as many guys as possible at once.

There was something wrong this time. Each time he used his powers, Ben felt as if it hurt more than the last, but this time it _hurt_ hurt. It hurt so much Ben couldn't stop screaming to breathe, Ben _couldn't breathe—_

The horror was angrier than it had ever been before, and for the first time in years, Ben lost complete control of it.

The next thing Ben could remember were screams, and the piercing pain growing stronger, as if his body was being torn in half—

* * *

September 29th of 2006 was the worst day of Klaus' life.

He saw it happen every time he closed his eyes. One moment they were surrounded by some thugs, the other they were surrounded by bodies, amongst which was their brother's. Where, no one knew.

Klaus had seen Ben use his powers countless of times. It always broke his heart, seeing him in so much pain, but never before had it actually broken him down to his core. All he wanted was to forget, forget this image of the horror, forget Ben's face as he screamed for dear life, forget his body being torn to pieces until _no one could tell he'd been there anymore—_

Klaus knew it would happen eventually. Five's disappearance was merely the start of the academy's fall, and everyone was waiting for that one mission to go wrong. It's just that no one had Ben in mind when they thought about it.

He remembered the ride back. All of them were covered in blood, sobbing their eyes out, and Dad didn't even bother to shut them up. They couldn't even get a body to bury. It'd be kinda weird, carrying actual flesh and bones, not even sure if it was their brother's or the bastards' that did this to him—

Klaus threw up for the third time. He must have looked so pathetic, holding onto the toilet as if there was nothing else left, emptying everything that was in his stomach—

He felt so _betrayed_.

Just when he had found a reason to move forward, life fucked him up again. Less than twelve hours ago, Klaus was looking forward to leaving the academy behind, and had never felt so much hope before. Now he'd hit rock bottom again. Fuck everything.

Klaus didn't know what to believe in anymore. All he knew was that Ben shouldn't have died.

He flushed the toilet, somehow getting on his feet. Mom had helped him bathe before, and changed him into a clean set of clothes. He felt like he was a toddler all over again, not able to take care of himself. Then again, that's how he'd felt like for a long time now.

He didn't care how disgusting he looked anymore. All he wanted was to drop on his bed, ideally dead, and just never get up again—

_Crack._

Klaus didn't want to look down. He really didn't want to look down.

He didn't bother to pick up the sunglasses he stepped on. He didn't even care that he broke them. He supposed no one would be wearing them now anyway. Not anymore.

He couldn't remember collapsing on his bed. He couldn't remember when the first tear fell. He couldn't remember when the pack of pills on his desk were emptied.

A week later, Klaus still couldn't stand properly.

For better or worse, they'd cut loose on training for a while. Well, it wasn't as if they needed to listen to Dad anymore—surprise, they were all adults now!—but the announcement came anyway.

They didn't celebrate their birthday. Well, Mom did make them special breakfast, but that was all. Under any other circumstances, Klaus would have started a riot, but he barely had the energy to talk at this point. He wasn't in the mood for birthdays. He wasn't in the mood for anything.

Especially not a funeral.

Who would have thought Reginald Hargreeves would actually bother with the death of his son. _It's a shame,_ he'd said, and locked himself in his office again, as if nothing had happened. Yeah, what a fucking shame.

Klaus could only scoff when he laid eyes on Ben's monument.

Whoever Dad commissioned to make it had done a shit job; it looked nothing like him. He was wearing his uniform, taking a step forward, as if he was making a peace offering or something. Klaus knew for a fact Ben had never felt like a hero, the _irony._ Whoever the boy on the statue was, it wasn't Ben.

_May the darkness within you find peace in the light,_ read the inscription.

Klaus had stopped listening to Dad's speech about heroism a second after it'd started. All he could hear were Ben's screams. Maybe it was because he knew for a fact they'd never stop. There was no peace in the afterlife. Only darkness. That inscription was straight up horseshit too.

Everyone's expressions had pain written all over them, but Klaus was assured no one had felt as much pain as Ben had when he released the horror for the last time.

Luther was trying to stand tall, but he was fooling no one, and Allison had buried her face in his shoulder. Diego was holding Mom's hand, and Pogo was holding Vanya's.

Klaus hadn't been there when they told her. According to Allison, and the screaming from downstairs, it'd been almost as painful as watching it happen. Klaus was grateful he didn't have to witness it.

He didn't spend a single more second than he had to in the yard. He was back in his room the moment the ceremony was over, popping the last of his pills. _Thank you, dextro_ whatever, _for making me numb again,_ he thought. _You truly are a hero._

He lay on his bed, closing his eyes. As the ghosts went silent, he prayed he wouldn't have to open them again.

He couldn't explain it, but the aura in the room changed in a way it never had before. He opened his right eye, looking ahead of him—

Black jacket, black hoodie, black jeans—

"Still up for getting the hell out of here?"

Klaus was certain he had finally lost it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my legacy.
> 
> Ever since I first watched The Umbrella Academy, I've wanted to write a fanfic about Ben's death. Honestly, it'd be impossible to fit every single headcanon I have into a fanfic, and it's likely I'll tackle this scenario again, but for now, here is the first idea I had!
> 
> I really hope you stick around for this fic. It's one of my proudest works yet, and I've prepared so many great things for it.
> 
> Make sure to leave a comment if you liked it, because I made myself cry! :D
> 
> (No but seriously, thanks for reading!)


	2. Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain someone reveals themselves, and Klaus doesn't know how to feel. Maybe he's just high. Yeah. That's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I managed to upload this in time. This has to be one of the longest things I have ever written, and I am so proud of myself. I hope you enjoy this update as much as I did writing it!

" _Tonight won't ever end; can we pretend, pretend, pretend?  
_ _We'll paint the walls instead and I'll pretend, pretend, pretend again."  
_ — _Pretend, Bad Suns_

* * *

"Still up for getting the hell out of here?"

Klaus sat up, rubbing his eyes in disbelief as he stared at the not-so-empty corner of his room.

It was as if someone had taken the newly-built statue in the yard and brought it to his room. The person staring back at Klaus was standing up straight, a determined look on his face, but unlike his monument, he was dressed in black—jacket, hoodie, jeans—and looked nothing like a child.

It shouldn't have been surprising; Klaus saw dead people all the time, yet not once had he met someone he knew prior to their death before. Especially not his _dead brother._ Who _he saw die._

It was as if time had stopped. For the past week, Klaus had been beating himself up over the death of Number Six, and now he was standing right there, no injuries whatsoever, starting a conversation as if nothing had happened. Klaus wanted to yell, to cry, he wanted to stop the pain that was pulling his chest, making him unable to breathe, he wanted to go back, to forget, he wanted for everything to be a lie, he just wanted to be left alone _for once in his miserable life—_

"What the _fuck,_ Ben?!"

And just like that, his brother dropped the bravery act. Ben's shoulders went loose, cowering, and shock painting over his expression.

And Klaus didn't want _that._

But at that moment, as he was watching his brother try to pick the right words, opening and closing his mouth over and over again, something right at home, and Klaus couldn't contain himself anymore.

"You can't show up in my room just like that!" Klaus yelled, standing up. "I mourned you for days!"

"Should I not have?" Ben asked with a shaky breath, but seemingly gaining his confidence back.

"That's not what I—" Klaus cut himself off, taking a deep breath. "At least don't show up all chill like everything's fine. Because it's not. It's not fine!"

"It's not like I had much of a choice! The only thing that seems to work with you is acting cool and pretending that everything is—"

" _Cool?!"_ Klaus couldn't tell what he was feeling anymore. "Nothing about this is _cool!_ We would have been away from this by now, but no! Everything was turning out to be fine for once, and now it's—"

" _Fine?"_ Ben grunted, mimicking Klaus. " _Nothing_ about this… This abomination of a family is _fine._ And if you actually did care about it for some reason, you would have at least tried to conjure me."

"You think I didn't—" Klaus stopped, Ben's words slowly kicking in. It was true. Klaus hadn't tried to conjure him, even though he told everyone else he would. But how could he? He'd never been able to reach out to Five, and the thought of the same happening with Ben—

Ben knew. Ben knew Klaus had no intention of manifesting him, which could only mean that he had been there with them, with _him,_ the entire time, trying to be heard, and Klaus had let him hanging, he'd let him down, he'd let everyone down—

" _Klaus!"_

Klaus snapped back into reality—when had he sat back down?—looking up towards the sound. Ben was in front of him now, eyes full of worry, and it could have been the drugs, but Klaus could have sworn they were watery—

 _Klaus'_ eyes were watery. Klaus was _crying._ One moment there was no trace of water on his face, and within a second there was a waterfall leaking from his eyes.

He tried to speak, but his words came out as mumbles, endless mumbles. He didn't even know what he was trying to say, only that he couldn't.

"It's okay," Ben said, any trace of anger long gone from his voice. "Breathe. Focus on breathing, okay?"

Breathing was fine. Klaus could do that. As the air entered his lugs, the clearer his vision became, and the more he realised that Ben was actually there.

Klaus didn't think before reaching out for Ben's hand, and certainly didn't think before reaching for it _again._

Ben was right there, and Ben was dead.

"Jesus, Ben…" Klaus said, because what else could he say? He ran his hand through his hair, glancing up at his brother and staring at him for what seemed like centuries, until Ben took a seat of his own on Klaus' bed.

It was weird. There was a bump on the mattress, but Klaus didn't feel his weight shift. He ran his hand along his bed, feeling it sink the closer to Ben he went, but he couldn't shake the feeling that all of it was fake—because it was, it always had been—and pulled his hand away.

"Crazy, right?" Ben said through a half-smile, looking at the side. "It's like we're in a video call or something."

"A video call?" Klaus raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Ben said. "As if I'm a hologram."

Klaus supposed Ben had a point. Holograms didn't feel pain though. They also weren't dead. Fake, sure, but not dead, not like Ben. Klaus couldn't help but wonder if Ben felt pain.

"What's it like?" Klaus asked.

Ben shrugged. "It's weird."

"You're gonna have to be a little more specific than—"

"I don't _know,_ Klaus, okay?" Ben snapped. Klaus wasn't expecting him to welcome death with open arms, but the way he raised his voice on him still caught him off guard. Of course he was still angry. At what, or who, Klaus didn't know, but it was only fair. "Sorry, I… I don't know how to feel. I don't even know if I'm feeling anything at all."

Klaus nodded. "Do you feel the mattress?"

"I don't know," Ben said, turning around to face him. His eyes had started to water again. "It's like I have a sensor telling me it's there but I can't _feel it_ feel it, you know?"

Klaus did know, in a way. It reminded him of those nights he was too wasted to think straight, even forgetting his name, losing his ability to interact with his environment. Okay, maybe it was a little bit different from actually dying, but what did Klaus know?

"And Klaus," Ben said, his voice coming out like a whisper. "I haven't been able to sleep."

"I mean," Klaus huffed, "I probably wouldn't even bother with sleeping if I died. Not that I keep a good schedule now—woah, hey, are you okay?"

There were tears coming out of his eyes now, and he was biting his lip so hard he was shaking. He slowly shook his head, his gaze never leaving Klaus'.

"It's been a week and I have to live like this forever."

Somehow, hearing Ben's voice crack halfway through his sentence like that almost hurt more than thinking he'd never see him again.

Something snapped in Klaus at that moment. He couldn't quite put it into words, but it felt as if he had been hit across the head with a pan, or as if he had been reborn, or he had taken _a lot_ of drugs—probably the last one—but it didn't matter, because Klaus knew what he had to do.

"Come on," he said, standing up, and putting on his jacket.

Ben sniffled, hesitantly looking at Klaus. "What?"

"You wanted to get the hell out of here, right?" Klaus asked, reaching for the bag he had packed over a week ago. "Now let's go before I have to physically drag you out of bed." Klaus knew he couldn't, but as his lungs filled with confidence, it didn't matter.

There was a second of doubt as silence filled the room. The two siblings stared at each other throughout all of it, and Klaus could read the uncertainty in Ben's eyes.

A smile crept up Ben's face as he jumped to his feet. "Okay."

Maybe this whole thing was a dumb idea. Maybe there was no point, and it'd crumble like everything else in their lives. Maybe it wasn't too late to back down, to joke it off, and to spend the rest of his life in bed.

But maybe, just maybe, it'd work.

All Klaus knew was that he never wanted Ben's smile to fade away.

* * *

Dying wasn't in Ben's bucket list.

Well, everyone died at some point, but Ben was certain he'd just gained a guinness record for what he accomplished. Being ripped to shreds by his powers, something he should have been able to control, watching his own funeral, and breaking down in front of Klaus, it deserved at least some kind of award. A loser's award. Ben would take it; anything other than what was happening to him.

He was there when the others drove home without him.

He was there when Diego screamed at the media outside the academy to let them through. To _take their everlasting bullshit and games of pretend elsewhere._ Dad didn't even bother to scold him.

Ben was there when they told _Vanya._ The disbelief in her eyes when she first heard the words come out of Allison's mouth, Ben didn't want to remember it. He had never seen a person cry so much before. Vanya wasn't sobbing, she was _howling,_ and Ben couldn't help her ever again.

He was there when Klaus stepped on the glasses he'd left in the hallway, and he could pinpoint the exact moment that Klaus' spirit got crushed as well—

No, Ben had to be dreaming. The dead weren't supposed to feel pain. Everyone talked about resting in peace, but he felt as if there was a snake slowly wrapping itself around his heart and pulling him back slowly, until he couldn't take it anymore.

Ben couldn't sleep that night. Or any other night. He'd close his eyes and lay on his sheetless mattress, but the night wouldn't take him away. All he wanted was to just close his eyes and forget about everything that was happening around him. He didn't need the horror, or the media, or his siblings, he needed to _rest._ And if sleep never came, he was probably already dreaming.

Right?

He spent days trying to get the others' attention; he tried yelling, tapping on their shoulders—

He hated it when his hand went right through them, he hated it so much—

He hated that this headache wouldn't go away—

He hated the statue of a stranger in their—

He hated the monster in his stomach—

Ben hated _everything._

And yet somehow, throughout all of this, he managed to get Klaus' attention. Klaus, who he barely knew anymore. Klaus, who he was going to be running away with. Klaus, who hadn't tried to conjure him once.

Klaus, who actually did leave the academy, and had Ben tag along with him.

It was weird.

It wasn't as if he hadn't prepared for it. His brother was an eighteen-year-old alcoholic and drug addict. Klaus wasn't even trying to hide the fact that his dead brother was right next to him at all times, speaking loudly to thin air, laughing at nothing, ordering food for the empty seat at the other side of the table.

And the worst part was, Ben genuinely found it amusing. He couldn't remember the last time he had this much fun looking at strangers' faces, but there was no helping it. Klaus was one of a kind, and by some sort of miracle, he liked Ben.

It was crazy how much they had in common.

A few weeks ago Ben was worried about conversation starters, and now he just couldn't stop talking. Had he been alive, he would have ended up with a sore throat. How Klaus did it so easily, he had no idea.

The first time Ben saw a ghost he thought he was going to die again.

There was something about taking a turn into an alleyway and seeing a girl with a snapped neck looking like her hair had been dumped in blood that stuck with him. Ben yelped and took a million steps back, holding his breath in.

"You can see her too?" Klaus asked. Ben turned to him, and then back at the ghost. Holy shit. Klaus could see that.

Of course he could see it or her or whatever it was. Ben didn't know why it came as a surprise to him, it really shouldn't have, considering Klaus was _The Séance._ Maybe it was because Ben had never seen something so mortifying before.

He was used to the bodies. He was used to the blood. But bodies were supposed to _stay bodies_ after death, and that girl was moving and trying to speak and oh god she was coming closer—

Ben took a few cautious step towards Klaus, hiding behind him. He didn't know how that would be of any help, but anything felt safer than being close to that _thing._

But then came the other question; why was Klaus unfazed?

Ben had seen the way Klaus shook in his sleep, the screaming and the breakdowns, and how he popped pills like there was no tomorrow. He thought he'd be a little more terrified by her. "Why aren't you scared?" he asked.

Klaus shrugged, eyes still on her. "She's always in this alleyway."

"And you know that how?" Ben asked. He couldn't recall the last time he saw his brother sober.

"This is the less terrifying way to Jimmy's," Klaus said. So he'd flee to his drug dealer when he was out of drugs through this alleyway before. Ben could only imagine what the other streets were like. "Unless you wanna go for the tongueless triplets route, that one's always fun—"

"No thanks," Ben said. Why was his brain making up an image of what Klaus had just said? Why did he want to throw up? "She can't touch you, right?" he asked, hoping to get his mind off things.

Klaus shook his head. "Nah. But I don't know about you. I mean, you're a ghost, and a good looking one too!"

Ben sighed. "Let's just get out of here."

They'd ended up at some roof, leaning on the railing, after their visit to Klaus' dealer, and Klaus was currently trying to explain to Ben the benefits of buying the pink skirt at the store across the street. _You'll run out of money,_ Ben had said, but he wasn't really paying attention to the conversation anymore. His mind was still on the ghost.

Klaus must have noticed, because he took one last puff of his cigarette before making a pillow for his head with his arms on the rail, turning to him. "You're not like the other ghosts, you know."

Ben did the same, eyes facing Klaus, and legs going back and forth over the edge of the roof. He could see his shadow fall on Klaus' face as the sun rose to their right. The universe was creating all these illusions that weren't real to everyone else, but they were to Ben, and they were to Klaus. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Klaus said. "I'm as high as a plane from Norway to Sweden, but I can still see you."

"Why Norway and…" Ben mumbled under his breath. He sighed. "I guess so."

"You also don't have any injuries."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you remember that girl before?" Klaus said. Ben bet Klaus would love for him to give him thanks for the reminder. "I'm just saying, ghosts usually stay in their dying state. You should have been mince."

"Huh." Ben said. "That _is_ weird."

Klaus wasn't having it though. "I mean, can you imagine? You'd be just guts and blood puddles, dragging yourself on the ground—"

"Ew, okay, I get it!" Ben interrupted. If he could, he would have thrown up. Preferably on Klaus' face. He couldn't even begin to think just how that thought had entered Klaus' mind. "How stoned are you?"

Klaus giggled, trying to boop Ben's nose, but his finger went right through it. "Four."

"You're _four_ stoned?" Ben asked, and couldn't help but laugh too. "Lucky you."

"Get on my level," Klaus stuck his tongue out at him. "What shocking revelation do _you_ have about your past, Benny?"

"You mean besides sharing my body with another entity?" Ben asked, and Klaus nodded. "I don't know. I mean, my life wasn't interesting." _Wasn't._ Because Ben was no longer alive.

"Aw, come on, there's gotta be _something!"_

Ben shrugged. "The most interesting thing I ever witnessed was Five attempting to play Vanya's violin, so… I'm sorry to disappoint."

It was a silly memory. Five and Ben had just finished their training, so they went to Vanya's room, but she insisted she needed to study. _I'm sure it's not even that hard,_ ten-year-old Five had said before taking the instrument off her hands and making it screech.

"You look down, boo," Klaus said. Turns out he _could_ be observative if he wanted to.

"Did you ever see Five?" Ben asked, looking down.

"You think I wouldn't tell you if I saw the little bastard?"

"You didn't tell anyone about me."

"Touché."

There was a moment of silence in which Ben wondered if he should speak up or not. He wasn't exactly familiar with the whole opening up thing, and he highly doubted Klaus was interested anyway.

"It's just," Ben started, because it was the only way to avoid crying in front of Klaus. "They were my best friends."

"Who?

"Vanya and Five."

"Oh."

"Yeah." _He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to cry, he didn't want to cry, he didn't want to—_ "But it's like they didn't actually like me."

Klaus didn't say anything at that, but gestured with his fingers for Ben to continue.

"I don't blame them," Ben said. "And I'm not angry either. The two of them, they just, they clicked better, you know? And it wasn't bad, I mean… It was okay. I had friends. But yeah."

"What happened then?" Klaus asked. "I always wondered why you and little sweet Vanya stopped talking."

Ben smiled at the nickname. "After Five left, things were different. Not just for Vanya and I, for everyone in the house, but _Vanya…_ She didn't want to talk to me. Or anyone, really."

"Damn, Ben."

"It's okay," Ben said. "I just regret not being there when she needed me."

It was only then that Ben began to realise just how much of an impact Five's disappearance had made on Vanya's life. _Everything_ changed after it, not just her. And now, Ben was the one that left, and she was all alone again in that place they pretended was their home.

"If you cry, I'll cry, and my eyeliner is flawless today, so _please."_ Their eyes locked again. "Don't cry."

Ben chuckled, and blinked away a few tears. "I'm okay, don't worry."

"Maybe we should put eyeliner on _you,_ then you'll see what a struggle it is!"

"You think?" Ben asked.

"Hell yes, you'd look marvelous." Klaus really seemed passionate about his vision. "Oh, or a piercing! One of these black ones on your left ear."

"I am not getting a piercing," Ben said, as if it was actually an option.

"It's a _look,_ Ben!" Klaus sat up, clasping his hands together. "And then I'll do your nails."

"Okay. Sure. I'm in."

"Fabulous!" Klaus shrieked, lying back on his arms.

Ben could stay like this forever. Not caring about anything other than a stupid makeover he'd never get, laughing at Klaus' idiocy, laughing at his _own_ idiocy. He rested his chin on his arms, looking ahead, into the suburb.

"And Ben?"

"Mhm?" Ben mumbled, his eyes on that insanely bright pink shirt Klaus was insisting on buying.

"We're friends."

It was as if his heart had dropped all of a sudden. He squinted his eyes shut, begging for the tears to go back in his eyes, because it would be so stupid if he broke down _now_ after everything.

"I'll risk my eyeliner for you," Klaus said, and Ben took that as a sign to let loose. He buried his face in his arms, hiding his face from Klaus as he let the tears flow. He knew Klaus couldn't touch him, but the way he spoke to him in that caring tone—it really felt like a pat on the back from a friend.

* * *

If there was one thing Klaus loved more than a warm bubble bath, it was waffles. There were simply too many toppings to choose and put on top of something that was already tasty in itself—although Ben might have argued that a waffle with no toppings isn't a waffle at all—and Klaus did not regret spending his money on them in the slightest.

Waffles were like the pizza of desserts. There were so many combinations it was impossible not to like at least one. Or five.

This was exactly the reason why he and Ben went out for waffles every Friday night, be it after a hangover or a sleepless night, because damn, Klaus _loved_ waffles, and Ben did too.

They were sitting at the corner of their to go diner at the outskirts of the city. It was always empty, but they liked their privacy anyway. They'd ordered two chocolate waffles, one with ice cream for Klaus, and one with blueberries for Ben.

"Hey, Benji," Klaus said as he downed the final bite of his waffle. "I had an idea."

"And I have a question," Ben ignored him in his _classic Ben way_ , "why do you call me Benji?"

Klaus raised an eyebrow. "It's short for Benjamin?"

"My name isn't Benjamin?"

"Sure it isn't." Klaus waved him off. How dare he stand up to his nicknames. "Now, are you ready for my genius plan?"

Ben sighed, but the way his smile crept up the corners of his mouth was more than enough for Klaus to know that he did, in fact, want to know. "Shoot."

"Behold!" Klaus said and started pounding his palms against the table, like a drumroll. "We should change birthdays!"

The smile became wider, and so did Ben's eyes. "Really?" he said, but it sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Yes, really!"

Ben crossed his arms. "And why in God's name would we do that?"

"I'd like us to think back to this year's celebration… Oh right, it didn't happen!" Klaus said. "What shocking revelation, I wonder what might have caused it!"

Had Ben not been a ghost, Klaus was sure he would have given him a smack across the head. "And what date did you have in mind, my _genius_ brother?"

Klaus bowed his head, pointing at himself. It was the closest to any type of formality he was going to get, but it was good enough for now.

"I say… April Fools'."

"Okay… Why?"

"So when the others call us on October 1st to wish us happy birthday," as if that would ever happen, "we'll be all like _HA, PSYCHE, APRIL FOOLS!"_ Klaus yelled as he stood up.

"Quiet, back there," said the owner from the kitchen.

"Sorry, Janet!" Klaus said back, sitting down. "As if she gets any customers but us…"

Ben had been laughing the entire time. "I am only sixty percent sure you know how April Fools' works."

"Okay then," Klaus said, popping one of the blueberry's from Ben's waffle in his mouth. "What's _your_ suggestion, Benny?"

It seemed as if Ben was going to shrug it off again, but he stopped his body from tensing up midway. He had that look in his eyes again. His gaze was frozen in one spot—or all spots—but he wasn't really looking at anything. Klaus liked to call it _Deep Ben Thinking Mode._

"Why not today?"

Klaus opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, because really… Why _not_ today?

"What even is the date?" Klaus asked, and Ben shrugged. He turned around, yelling towards the backroom. "HEY, JANET, WHAT'S THE DATE?"

The woman came in the front, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. It was the same look as the one Diego used to give him when he asked all sorts of random questions. In other words, she clearly wasn't having it. "The fifteenth," she said after a while, retreating back into the kitchen.

Klaus turned to Ben. "What do we think?"

"I think," Ben said, lying back at his seat, "that we have a birthday to celebrate."

Klaus smiled. December 15th it was.

* * *

"Can we skip this part?"

It wasn't often that Ben and Klaus watched movies, but when they did, it was usually one of those shitty romcoms that were on super late at night. They stood lucky when they found a DVD in one of the drawers, though the motel's tiny TV didn't help either—you could practically see the static on the screen—but Ben wasn't one to complain.

Or maybe he was, but it wasn't the quality of the movie that bothered him.

Klaus blinked at his question, tilting his head. "I guess? It's a cool scene though."

"It's a sex scene, Klaus. Like, the third one. And we're only forty minutes into the movie!"

"... So?"

Ben groaned. "So skip it!"

Klaus pressed pause. Ben wasn't sure whether he'd done it or purpose or not, but the aroused faces of the couple on screen were lighting up the motel room. Perfect.

"Just skip it, let's watch the rest," Ben said. "I wanna find out who stole the briefcase!"

"Does sex make you uncomfortable?" Klaus asked, in a surprisingly serious matter.

"What?" For a moment, Ben's brain got stuck. "No?"

"Is it because you're, you know," Klaus snickered, "a dead virgin?"

Ben shook his head. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable," he said. "I just don't care for it, I guess? Like, it's all the same. We get it, Karen, you had sex with him, now move on with your life."

"Interesting…" Klaus said, pretending to be writing down notes on his nonexistent notebook, and Ben could have sworn it was the best impression of their father he had ever seen. He smiled.

"Like, to be honest, I can't imagine myself like… _that,"_ he continued, regretting the moment he peeked at the television again. "I know it goes against every single moral in your life but the thought of having sex, I'm sorry, but it sounds disgusting to me."

"Okay, so you're ace."

Ben turned to Klaus, confusion washing over him. "What?"

"You're ace," Klaus repeated. "Asexual."

Ben wasn't unfamiliar with the term, but not once in his life did he ever thing he'd fit under one of those labels. Their father wasn't exactly eager to fill them in on all the different identities out there—not that he was against that specifically or anything. Anything that didn't help out the Umbrella Academy in some way was irrelevant, according to him—and so Ben didn't really have time to think about it.

But the way Klaus said it so casually? As if there was nothing weird about it, as if it was something you heard every day? Ben kind of liked it.

"I… I guess so," he said. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm ace."

"Okay," Klaus said, finally skipping the scene. Goodbye, random couple on screen. "Your loss."

"Fuck you," Ben chuckled.

"That's what I'm talking about," Klaus stuck his tongue out at him before turning back to the movie.

The movie was exactly like those shitty ones that aired at two in the morning, maybe even worse. At least Ben didn't have to sit through every single _intimidating_ section of it now that Klaus had gotten the truth out of him.

Almost an hour later, Klaus paused it again, turning on his side to face Ben who was sitting at the other bed. Ben had insisted many times that Klaus shouldn't have paid extra for him, but he was ignored, as usual.

"Yes?" Ben said, legs crossed, facing Klaus. "Are you gonna say anything?"

"Okay but, are you into guys?"

Ben widened his eyes and put his hands in front of him, palms visible to Klaus. "Wow, okay, ask me on a date first."

"Would you say yes?"

"Ew, no," Ben shook his head. "And didn't we talk about me being ace not even an hour ago?"

"Yeah but it's different," Klaus said. "You can still be in a relationship without all the juicy sexual intercourse—"

"JESUS, I _GET_ IT," Ben interrupted. He needed to wipe his brain out. "Why would you even ask that?"

Klaus shrugged. "We're already tackling the subject, so… Why not?"

"I don't know what I like," Ben said. "I'm sorry I'm not all figured out like you."

Klaus sat up too, mimicking Ben's position. "Meaning?"

"I mean, you've known you're gay since you were—"

"I'm not gay though."

Okay, maybe Ben didn't need his brain wiped out like _that_. He'd seen Klaus hook up with countless of guys, and hearing that sentence come out of his mouth felt like a slap across the face, and nothing had ever replicated the pain of being slapped ever since he died.

"But you…?"

"Gosh darnit, Ben, I'm not saying I don't like men," Klaus said. "I just like men _and_ women and everything in-between the same way."

"Oh." That made more sense. "Okay."

"And I'm also not a guy," he continued. Another slap in the face. "Surprise?"

"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that, because I think I lost brain cells after watching that movie."

"I'm nonbinary." That certainly explained the crossdressing.

Ben shook the thought off. _No,_ he told himself. Clothes had nothing to do with the way Klaus identified himself—themselves?—they were just fabric. Anyone could wear skirts and paint their nails and—

Okay, his own thoughts were getting off topic.

"I have good news," Ben said, trying to hold back a smile. "I've decided not to disown you."

Klaus faked a gasp. "Oh my god, thank you so much Dad!"

"Quiet, Number Four," Ben said in his best Reginald Hargreeves impression, puffing his chest. "Your unprofessionalism is unacceptable!"

They broke into laughter after that, each falling to their own bed, and Klaus eventually ended up on the floor. "That was the shittiest impression I have ever heard!" he said, struggling to breathe.

"Why, thank you, brother of mine!" Ben laughed, then stopped. "Uh, _sibling_ of mine."

"Oh." Klaus stood up, sitting next to Ben. "Oh! No, I still use male pronouns, you dingus."

" _Oh."_ Ben had lost track of how many times they'd said _oh_ that night. "How was I supposed to know, _you dingus?"_

Klaus chuckled. "You think I wouldn't have told you if I wanted other pronouns?"

Ben shrugged. "I don't know what I thought, give me a break."

"Sure, Benji," Klaus said. "But you still didn't answer my question."

 _Are you into guys,_ Klaus had asked. Was he? Ben had no idea. "I think I've thought about my identity enough today," he said.

"Bummers," Klaus mumbled, lying down. "Thought I could set you up with that cute ghost we saw outside the motel."

Ben couldn't help but laugh. "The one with the missing head?"

"I'm sure he's a great kisser," Klaus joked, and Ben rolled his eyes. "Your loss, Ben. Your loss."

Ben lay down next to Klaus, facing him. "You'd know, you've kissed every single person in this suburb."

Klaus put his hands underneath his chin, as if he was showcasing his face. Sometimes Ben couldn't understand how he could turn every single sentence into a joke, but he knew he never wanted him to lose that sense of humor. It was the only thing keeping him entertained.

He was looking at him with this pair of green eyes, as if he was waiting for something—he was always waiting for something—and Ben almost felt bad.

"What now, princess?"

"Can I sleep here?"

"With me?"

Klaus nodded.

"Will saying no stop you?"

Klaus shook his head.

Ben smiled. "Yes, you can." Klaus could be such an idiot sometimes.

"Thanks," he mumbled, making himself comfortable. "Sweet dreams, Benny."

As Klaus closed his eyes, the smile on Ben's face started to fade and he prepared himself for another sleepless night. Maybe for Klaus, he could daydream instead.

* * *

Klaus knew they were going to run out of money eventually, but he never imagined it to be so soon.

They'd spent almost three months living in the streets, and pawn money could only last this long with all the motels and diners and the drugs and the clubs… It wasn't as if anyone would hire a homeless eighteen-year-old to work at their coffee shop, not to mention Klaus was far from interested.

The first night sleeping without a roof was more scary than Klaus could have imagined.

Not that he remembered much of it. He'd been high—or drunk?—the whole night, and could barely even see Ben. He'd known he was there though. Ben never went away, even if Klaus was so out of it he couldn't see properly. Come to think of it, it wasn't just Ben that he couldn't focus on, it was every single thing surrounding him. He'd been too exhausted to question why he woke up next to a dumpster.

It became easier after a few days. All he had to do was make sure he had enough drugs to keep the alleyway ghosts at bay, which was easier said than done. Drugs didn't grow on trees—well, not _all_ drugs grew on trees, and even those which did, Klaus couldn't get to.

"Are you okay?"

Klaus cleared his head of thoughts, and turned to Ben, who was waking next to him on the street.

"I'm fine." He tried not to flinch at the sight of the ghost that had been following them around for the past mile or so. "Just tired."

"Do you wanna stop?" Ben asked, because of course he did. He was always the one to try and put some sense into him like his voice of reason or something. Truth was, Klaus didn't mind; he hadn't exactly been doing well on the whole sleeping and eating situation.

"No," Klaus said. "Yes."

"Which will it be, dumbass?" Klaus knew Ben meant it as a joke, but it really didn't sound like one. He sounded _dull._ As if he had been walking for days without shelter—

Oh, right.

"I don't know." Klaus averted his gaze from him. More ghosts were starting to appear, and Ben either couldn't see them or he was really good at ignoring them. "I don't know, you… You can choose, okay? I don't know—"

"Klaus, you don't sound so swell—"

_Klaus._

"I'm fine."

"No seriously," Ben continued. "Maybe we should stop for a bit."

_Klaus. Help us, Klaus._

"I said I'm _fine,"_ he said through his teeth.

_KLAUS. HELP. KLAUS._

_KLAUS._

_KLAUS._

"It's okay if you're tired. We really should stop if—"

" _SHUT UP!"_

There was a moment of silence. Ben, the other ghosts, everything around him, they all went silent. Klaus took a good look of everything, like the absolutely horrified expression on Ben's face, not from the guts and blood of the ghosts illuminated under the street lamps, but because of him, because of Klaus, because he had yelled, because he was a bad brother, a _disappointment—_

They all started screaming again, and Klaus could only fall on his knees on the nonexisting ground. He shut his eyes closed, taking in the howls they made, almost feeling their fingers reach for his body—

_KLAUS._

_HELP US, KLAUS._

_Klaus._

" _Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up…"_

_HELP._

_KLAUS._

" _Shut up, leave me alone, just leave me alone, please, please, please shut up, I am begging you…"_

_Come on, Klaus!_

_HELP US._

" _Klaus…!"_

He didn't know how or why, but Ben's voice somehow reached his ears. He was there. Ben was still there.

He reached for his pocket, managing to take hold of his final pill, and putting it to his mouth. He didn't know for how long he stayed like that in the middle of the street, but it was only when the voices died out that he looked up.

"Klaus!" Ben said, kneeling next to him. He had never been happier to hear a ghost yell out his name before. "Can you move?"

Klaus nodded, but didn't move. He needed some time. A lot of time. He couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of accident happened in the street they were at. The last time he'd seen so many ghosts at once was back at the mausoleum.

"I am so sorry," Ben said. "I didn't realise more had started to appear until you yelled—"

"No offense, Ben," Klaus said, trying his best to put on a smile. "But when you have something in mind, you tend to ignore everything else."

His brother nodded, starting to shed tears of his own. "Let's just go home."

For once, Klaus didn't have any objections.

* * *

Ben hadn't exactly been waiting for a big welcome when they showed up at the academy's doorstep for the first time in weeks, but he couldn't say he'd been filled with joy when their father greeted them with his usual huff.

Well, it was Klaus who he greeted. Ben was an unspoken name in the academy, as he soon found out.

According to Vanya, his death changed everything.

Not a week after the funeral Allison took off for LA, followed by Diego, who had a huge fight with their father. Occasionally he'd visit to see Mom, but he was clearly done with the academy, unlike Luther, who was still taking part in missions. Regardless, Vanya and Luther were the only ones left, and now they'd been joined by Ben and Klaus.

Ben almost burst into tears when he saw her again.

It was as if he had never left. She still practiced the violin every day, but she was part of the orchestra now, and had a morning job at a coffee shop. She was saving up to move out, but she had a long way to go. At least she'd been more responsible than Klaus.

Vanya's playing hadn't changed one bit. She still puffed her chest every time she turned a page, and she still mumbled nonsense under her breath whenever she got a note wrong. Ben watched her as he waited for Klaus to finish his bath, and for a second, he didn't mind being back inside the academy's walls.

He knew better than to stay long, though. Watching over Klaus' daily life was different; he knew he was there. Vanya didn't. Ben didn't want to invade her privacy.

He sat against Klaus' wall, enjoying the distant sound of her music anyway. Back when they were kids, Klaus' room used to be Vanya's, but for whatever sick reason Dad had, they teared down the wall between them, moving Vanya to another part of the house.

He couldn't help but wonder what the next weeks of their lives were going to be like. They could maybe pawn some more stuff, but it would only get them so far. Settling down in the academy felt like the wiser option for now.

The door swang open, and Ben almost screamed.

"Hello, Benny!"

"Vanya is literally next door," Ben said, cringing at Klaus' yells. Maybe Dad would kick them out first. "And is that my hoodie?"

Klaus span around to showcase his outfit. It was only unusual in the fact that Klaus never wore such casual clothes, and even when he did, it never included Ben's baggiest purple hoodie.

"I'd wear a leather jacket too, but someone took it with him in the afterlife," Klaus explained, putting on his shoes.

"Damn, okay," Ben chuckled. "And what's with the shoes, are we going anywhere?"

"Waffles?"

Ben couldn't say no to that. He smiled, standing up. "Waffles."

They started going down the stairs, skipping as many steps as they could. It was one of these games they'd play when they were little—one of the _only_ games they could hide, anyway—and being in the academy made Ben feel particularly like a kid.

"Klaus?"

They froze in place as they came face to face with Luther at the academy's entrance hall. He was wearing his leather suit, labeled with the Umbrella Academy's symbol as always, which indicated he had just come home from a mission.

"Luthy!" Klaus said, opening his arms for a hug that never came. God, he looked so different in a hoodie compared to all the skirts and skin tight jeans.

"You came back?" Luther asked. "When did you…?"

"Just three hours ago," Klaus said. "You're looking great, by the way—"

"Is that Ben's?"

It was as if Luther had just addressed the elephant in the room—ironically, Ben was actually there—and the way his face dropped set off an entirely different mood. Even Ben felt chillier, and Ben never felt anything at all anymore.

"It's—"

"Number One!" They turned behind them to see none other than Reginald Hargreeves himself rushing in the room. "I see you have returned from your mission."

"Yes, Dad," Luther said, seemingly forgetting about Ben.

"And were you successful?"

Ben and Klaus never found out the answer to the question, as they'd slipped right out while Luther was distracted. They jumped down the doorstep, giggling like they were ten again. They started running away, completely ignoring the fact that the waffle house was the other way.

Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline, or the fact that they hadn't been allowed to play like that before, but Ben ran up to Klaus, hand going through his shoulder and yelled, "Tag, you're it!"

Klaus took up to the challenge, changing directions and heading straight for Ben. "Run or you're dead!"

They kept playing like that, going back and forth while chasing each other for what felt like hours. Ben didn't know how they ended up in the park, but he knew that when they did, Klaus was out of breath. Unlike him, Ben hadn't broken a sweat. The perks of being a ghost, he supposed.

Klaus sat down and sprawled across the grass, still giggly from their game. "Join me, Benny!"

Ben shook his head, but he followed after his brother anyway. He sat down opposite to Klaus, and lay down so that their heads would be next to each other, kind of like a cliché romcom movie, only that nothing else in their lives matched up to it.

"Are you sure we're supposed to be lying here?" Ben asked, pointing at a warning sign a few meters away.

"We'll say I don't know how to read," Klaus said, taking a deep breath.

"And then they'll give you a fine, but wait! Someone spent all their money on—"

"Yeah, well," Klaus interrupted, booping Ben's nose with his finger. Of course, it went right through him, but Klaus' playfulness almost made it feel real. "Tag, you're it."

Ben chuckled. "Fair."

He took his gaze off Klaus, looking up at the sky. The stars never shined to their full potential under the city lights, but Ben could make out a few. They were blinking, as if they were waving at him, smiling even.

Ben wanted this moment to last forever.

"Can we pretend?" Ben asked.

"Pretend what?"

_That everything is normal. That I'm alive. That we could turn around and hug each other if we wanted._

_That we're happy._

Ben never said any of these out loud. He knew he didn't have to, and looking at the stars, the only beings that seemed to be free, was easier. Ironically enough, they had also stopped shining long ago. Their light was simply a memory, just like him.

Ben wondered if them waving was their way of saying goodbye instead.

"Yeah," Klaus said after a long pause, in a calm tone Ben hadn't heard in a while. "Let's pretend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're near the end! (Only one chapter left!)
> 
> My original plan was to have the finale up by next Saturday, but it might be slightly late as I'm away from home at the moment. Regardless, it's in the works, and I can't wait to show you the conclusion of this fanfic.
> 
> What was your favorite scene from this chapter?
> 
> See you soon!!


	3. False Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Klaus leave the academy, for real this time. What's out there in the world is a total mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is; the final chapter.
> 
> I'll keep the long talk for the end of it, but before you begin, TRIGGER WARNING for an overdose around the end of the chapter. It's quite obvious when it's going to happen, so you can just skip this part.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

" _And in the end  
_ _I'd do it all again  
_ _I think you're my best friend  
_ _Don't you know that the kids aren't alright."  
_ — _The Kids Aren't Alright, Fall Out Boy_

* * *

Klaus got his first tattoos when they were twenty-two.

They'd been living in and out of the academy for a while, but knew it wasn't a permanent solution. Their childhood home—if they could even call it that—simply brought too many memories to the surface.

Klaus didn't bother saying goodbye, and Ben didn't blame him. Vanya had left a few months ago, and Luther was too occupied with missions to pay attention to him. Maybe it was for the best.

According to Klaus, leaving called for a celebration.

Ben couldn't say he was particularly keen on tattoos. He had one—all the siblings had one—and he hated it with a burning passion. At least the sleeves of his hoodie and jacket were enough to hide it.

Klaus though? He'd told Ben so many times of how he wished to get another tattoo— _as a fuck you to Dad,_ he'd said—and it wasn't as if Ben could do much to stop him. He could only hope Klaus didn't get something too extreme.

His hopes and dreams hit him in his face like a boomerang when Klaus announced his desired design.

 _HELLO_ and _GOOD BYE_ on both his palms.

"That's a terrible idea."

Klaus pouted. "Oh come on, it's perfect."

"It'll look ridiculous, Klaus," Ben insisted on their way to the studio. It was at the top floor of the local mall. Apparently it had really good reviews, their reference being their own website.

"I'm a walking ouija board, I _need_ the marks!"

"There isn't even a _HELLO_ sign on most ouija boards!"

"I'm a _kind_ Séance!"

Klaus got the tattoos anyway, and despite his complaints, Ben stood next to him the entire time. He cringed whenever Klaus flinched—apparently there were few other places that hurt as much—but eventually, they were done, and Ben would be lying if he said they weren't a tad cool.

They were on their way to the food court when they stumbled across a photo booth outside the arcade. Klaus' eyes lit up instantly.

"We're doing this," Klaus said, and would have physically pulled Ben along if he could.

"Klaus, come on, you only have enough for a sandwich or something," Ben insisted, but Klaus didn't move.

"We're doing this."

"We're not."

"We are."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

Ben really didn't know how Klaus dragged him into these things.

They found themselves seated in the booth, and there was barely enough space for them not to go through each other. Klaus was too excited as he fed the machine with coins to notice though.

He took off the gloves they'd put his hands in at the studio.

"Hey, hey!" Ben yelled, but it was too late. Klaus had been given all sorts of precautions, and not taking the gloves off for the rest of the day was one of them. He clearly couldn't be bothered.

Klaus shrugged, putting them on his knees. "Relax, I'll put them on again after this."

There was no screen, but there didn't need to be for Ben to know the camera wasn't picking him up. "There is no way this is going to work."

Smiles, grimaces and non-existent hugs were what came out of it. Ben's favorite attempt must have been the one where they showed their palms, pretending he had tattoos too.

Klaus put the plastic gloves on, as he said he would have, but Ben doubted it mattered anymore. He opened the curtain, only to see the confused looks of a guy when he only saw Klaus come out of the booth. He walked away as fast as he could.

Ben averted his gaze to the booth again, where Klaus was looking at their prints.

He wasn't in the photos.

He had prepared himself for this, but the more they went on with Klaus' plan, the more hope had started to built up. For a second he thought that maybe the photo booth was actually a ghost detector in disguise.

Klaus must have caught on his disappointment, because he took out a pen from his pocket and placed the photos against the wall.

"Klaus, what are you doing?"

"I'm drawing you in, you doofus!"

It was a silly thing to do, but Ben couldn't help the smile that crept up his face. Klaus had always been good at drawing—not that he'd give it his all on polaroids—so at least it looked as if some effort had been put into it.

They must had been standing there for at least fifteen minutes, but Klaus eventually reached the last frame, the one he was showing his palms.

"That actually looks way better than the others," Ben commented at his semi-realistic self.

Klaus smirked. "Now to add your tattoos…"

"No!" Ben yelped, and instinctively tried to take the pen from Klaus. His hand went right through it, and Klaus continued as if nothing had happened.

" _YES…"_ Klaus wrote the word on Ben's right hand. "And _NO…"_ he clinked off the pen. "Congratulations, Ben, you're now part of the ouija board!"

Ben pouted, leaning against the wall. "Thanks."

"I'm hungry, let's get us some food."

At last, something Ben couldn't argue with.

* * *

Klaus didn't know what his goals were anymore.

He was simply wandering around the world, with no job, roof or even money. Ben was the one that reminded him to eat, sleep and shower, though it was often impossible for any of these to happen.

Sure, having his dead brother watch over him wasn't part of Klaus' original moving out plan, but then again, what was? Klaus Hargreeves had no plan.

So when he got arrested for possession, he said fuck it, and went along with it.

Klaus had been arrested before, be it for drugs or falling asleep at the park, but never had he done actual jail time. Diego, who was apparently a cop now, would always bail him out. Not this time. Klaus couldn't help but wonder whether it was out of spite, or if he genuinely couldn't bend the rules this time.

Ben was more scared than disappointed, yet despite that, he stayed with him. Klaus still waited for the day Ben would give up on him too, but it never came. He stuck with him through everything.

Jail wasn't as bad as Klaus had expected.

Not that he was happy to have been put in there. He rarely ever got his fix, though he had found ways around the system. Ben, of course, hated such methods, but Klaus would rather have him complain twenty-four/seven than the ghosts screaming at his face.

At least Klaus had a routine. Wake up, shower, be yelled at a couple of times, eat, do some work, eat again… It could have been worse. Maybe he only thought of it that way because he had grown up in a prison of his own.

Klaus remembered when he ran into one of the guys Luther had gotten into jail once. Needless to say, he hadn't been pleased to see the Umbrella Academy tattoo on Klaus' wrist. It was strange to think the academy was still a thing. You'd think dear old Dad would have gotten him out by this point, to keep a reputation, but it was clear he didn't care about the academy's public image anymore.

He _was_ bailed out though. Just not by Reginald Hargreeves. Turned out Diego had a soft spot for him after all.

Klaus was called to the reception, signed seemingly endless documents, and by some miracle made it outside, to the all-familiar sight of Diego's car.

Six months. Six months he'd spent in jail.

He opened the door to the passenger's seat, letting Ben in, and closing it again. He preferred the back anyway. Diego shot him a confused look, but didn't comment on it. He probably thought Klaus had gone insane.

"Gooood day, Mr. Officer," Klaus said, leaning forward to face Diego. "What am I being arrested for today?"

"You better not be, Klaus, or else I swear, I'm going to drop you off in the middle of nowhere." Diego did not turn to look at him, but Klaus could see him glance through the front mirror.

"Eh." Klaus shrugged. "Been through worse."

"Put your seatbelt on."

The ride was quiet for the most part. It wasn't like Klaus had any exciting news to share. He didn't even know the date, or where exactly they were. He hoped there was some decent food, at least.

"You hungry?" Diego asked, as if he was reading his mind.

"Starving," Klaus said, glancing at Ben. He was unusually quiet. He always was, when Diego was around.

"I'll get us something on the way home."

"Home?" Klaus felt his whole body tense up. "I don't think I wanna go—"

"Not the academy, you jerk," Diego interrupted. "We're going to my place."

They stopped at a drive-through to get burgers and sooner or later they were outside some sort of boxing gym. Klaus raised an eyebrow at Diego, who gestured him to get out of the vehicle. For a split second, Klaus really thought Diego was kicking him out.

But then they entered the gym, and into the fucking boiler room they went.

It was clearly Diego's. Klaus didn't need more than a glance to come to that conclusion. It had all of his stuff, for starters, and one of Mom's needleworks hung on the wall. Diego offered him a chair at his non-existent table, and threw his burger into his hands, precisely as always.

Klaus devoured it in seconds.

Ben was sitting at the other side of the room, on Diego's bed, avoiding to look at them at all costs. Klaus would have felt bad if it wasn't for the fact that he was starving still, and that Diego was waiting for him to say something.

"It's nice," Klaus finally said, glancing around the room.

"Thanks," Diego said. "Al said it was mine as long as I cleaned up."

Klaus raised an eyebrow. "Al?"

"The guy who owns the gym. He's a real pain in the ass, but eh." Diego shrugged. "I fight too, sometimes."

"Isn't that illegal for cops or something?" Klaus asked.

"No?" Diego shook his head and chuckled. "I just fill in. It's no big deal."

"Sure it isn't," Klaus said. "You're gonna start bragging as soon as I bring it up again."

Diego reached out and punched his shoulder playfully. "Am I?"

"Yep." Klaus took another bite of burger, when he noticed what was most definitely an eye-shadow palette on Diego's desk. "Stole that from Allie?"

Diego's eyes widened once he laid them on what Klaus was pointing to. He was quick to grab it and put it inside the drawer, then sitting down on the bed, right next to Ben. "It's… A friend's."

Now Klaus' interest was piqued. He shot another quick glance at Ben, who finally looked as if he was interested in the conversation. "Please, do go on."

"I don't owe you any explanations," Diego said through a smile he was trying way too hard to hide.

"Bummers," Ben mumbled. "He's either keeping it for himself or he really did start dating that detective." Klaus couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Diego asked.

Klaus made a gesture to shake it off, and sat back on his chair. "Nothing."

"You gonna eat that?" Diego pointed towards the fast food bag, inside which was one more burger. Tomatoes and caramelized onions.

Klaus didn't know how to respond. It wasn't as if he could say that he made him pay extra to get something for their dead brother, but it felt wrong not to say anything at all.

"This was Ben's favourite," he said instead.

He watched as Diego's smirk dropped from his face, replaced by an all-too-visible frown. He put one hand on the side of his head, resting it on his knees. "Shit, Klaus."

"Eat, please," Ben, who had curled up into his knees, said.

Klaus wasn't going to wait for Ben to start yelling and begging. Who knew when his next meal would be? He reached out and unwrapped it, taking a bite, immediately hit by the sweetness of the onions. "He has such a sweet tooth, that bastard."

Diego smiled sadly, nodding. "He did."

"Did you know he's a pain in the ass?" Klaus said after another long pause. "He asked me for help to run away when we were still kids."

"No way," Diego said. "Ben wouldn't have—"

"He did," Klaus said. "It would have worked out great if only he didn't… You know."

Diego shook his head. "Nah. You and Ben? There is no way."

Klaus and Ben took a quick look at each other, then back at Diego. "Sure," Klaus said.

There was another moment of silence, in which Klaus finished eating for real. He put the wrapper in the bag, and crossed his legs on the chair. Neither of his siblings looked willing to talk.

"It shouldn't have been him," Diego broke the silence. "All of us were such assholes, but Ben… We were never really close, but he was always nice to me, you know?"

Klaus nodded. He knew.

"Especially when we were kids, God." Diego lay on his back. "He used to help me with my stutter. Reading me books and all. Anton Chekhov and other stuff I didn't understand, but it was nice."

"Tell me about it…"

"I just miss him."

And Ben smiled.

* * *

Ben wasn't looking for comfort.

To be fair, he wasn't looking for anything. Sometimes he'd wander off, checking out places of his own, but only when Klaus was involved in activities Ben absolutely did not want to be a part of. Others he'd disappear, but he never dared to stay in that seemingly empty void for long. He couldn't even describe what it felt like.

In the end, he couldn't imagine himself doing anything other than follow Klaus around.

Ben smiled at the thought, and kept on reading his book. It just so happened to be one of these lucky days that Klaus got himself a motel room. It wasn't as if he had much of a choice, as it was pouring out there, and none of his… _acquaintances_ were picking up.

Klaus only had enough for one bed—not that Ben minded, of course—so they were lying on their stomachs on the single bed in the middle of the room.

Klaus had claimed the pillow, face buried in it, and earphones plugged in his ears. If Ben didn't know any better, he would have assumed he was dead. Meanwhile, the book Ben was reading was rested against the wall, open to page sixty-three.

"Page," Ben said, as he finished reading it.

Klaus did not move.

Ben sighed. "Oh come on, Klaus, your MP3 hasn't been charged in days, we both know it's dead and that you can hear me."

His brother still didn't move.

Ben rolled to his side, facing Klaus. If he wanted to play dirty, Ben wasn't going to sit out on it. Klaus brought this on himself. " _Klausklausklausklausklausklaus—"_

A huge groan echoed in the room, silencing Ben. Klaus tilted his head to the side, eyes locked on the book. Ben couldn't help but smirk as his brother turned to the next page.

"Thaaank you!"

"Sure thing, Ben-io," Klaus muttered, burying his face in the pillow once more.

Ben had come to terms with his death a long time ago, but he still missed certain aspects of being alive. Reading was one of them. While his ability to read words in itself hadn't gone anywhere, he could no longer hold a book in his hands, which complicated things, to say the least.

The only book Ben never had trouble reading was _The Green Ray,_ which he had in his jacket's pocket when he died. He didn't even remember putting it there, but he was more than grateful.

You could only hear about _The Green Ray_ so many times before it got repetitive though.

So Klaus came to his rescue.

They'd pick up books and Klaus would turn the pages for him. It took a lot of convincing, but Klaus owed it to him for saving his ass so many times. They usually borrowed them from the library, since none of them found it sensible to spend more money than they had to.

Tonight's read was _Wonder,_ something Ben figured Klaus might like.

He took another glance at him, who looked as if he had become one with the bed.

Perhaps _Wonder_ was a bad idea.

"Don't die on me," Ben said. There was a muffled scream in response, and Ben couldn't help but laugh. "You're so thoughtful."

Klaus turned to his side again, and this time he did look at Ben. He seemed okay, if not a bit tired. "Thanks babe."

Ben rolled his eyes, and he'd smack Klaus if he could. "Is this like a promotion or something?"

"What, from ghost slave?" Klaus smirked. "Obviously."

"You're full of shit, Klaus," Ben laughed.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, _Ben."_ Klaus sat up. "Are you gonna read that?"

Ben glanced at the book again. "Tomorrow, maybe. If you wake up early."

Klaus stuck his tongue out at him, closing the book without bothering to place the bookmark, and threw it on the floor. He took out his earphones and lay on his stomach again, but he didn't stop facing Ben.

"Do you even have a charger for that?" Ben asked, pointing at the MP3. He lay on his back, one hand on his stomach, and the other to the side.

Klaus shrugged. "I have no fucking idea."

"Excellent."

"Superb."

"Spectacular."

"Magnificent!"

Ben chuckled. "Look at you, learning new words."

"Fuck off."

"You'll regret it."

Klaus smiled at that, dropping the argument.

It wasn't often that Klaus' silence accounted for something positive, but Ben could tell by the way his muscles were relaxed that he truly felt comfortable, and so did Ben. He liked the simplicity of it; it was almost as if they weren't separated by two different realms.

Ben followed Klaus' gaze to where his hand was lying between them, creating a slight dent on the sheets. It never failed to amaze him how the universe mocked them with all these fake illusions.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna try grabbing your hand."

Their eyes met, and Ben felt chills go down his spine, even more so than usual. It was an unspoken rule between them, that they did not try to touch each other. It always led to more disappointment.

Yet, there was something about the way Klaus was looking at him that told Ben it was worth trying. Because _what if it worked?_

Ben nodded, his eyes now locked on his hand, palm facing up as if it was waiting for it to happen.

Klaus moved his toward it hesitantly, and Ben held his non-existent breath in until—

It went through it.

Both Ben and Klaus exhaled deeply, and Ben couldn't help but avert his gaze the other way. He hated this. He hated getting his hopes up. He hated it.

Ben pulled his hand away, laying it on his stomach and stroking it with the other—

"Don't."

Ben turned back to Klaus, who looked as if he was about to cry. Of course he was. Ben wouldn't have been surprised if he looked the same.

"What?" Ben asked, as if he didn't already know. Klaus didn't respond.

Ben bit his lip, and placed his hand back down, and it went through Klaus once again. He hated the way his body turned transparent when it went through things, reminding him he wasn't real, he was just an illusion.

He was dead.

"Klaus, I can't—"

"Can you feel the dent?" Klaus interrupted, eyes becoming more and more watery by second, as if he was begging Ben to say yes.

Ben smiled, looking up at the ceiling.

"I can't feel anything."

* * *

Klaus hated rehab.

The thought of sleeping in a clean bed sounded nice at first, until the first ghosts appeared and suddenly the thought of being sober wasn't so ideal. He genuinely didn't know how Ben talked him into it.

This time, it was different.

Klaus didn't usually pay much attention to the books the rehab center provided, but he almost lost his senses when he saw his sister's face on one of the books. _Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven,_ the title said. Clearly, someone at rehab had no idea who they were housing.

Ben had practically begged for him to pick the book up, and it didn't take much convincing. Klaus missed Vanya. She was always nice to him, if not a bit dismissive, but still way more compassionate than his other siblings. It was only when he held the book— _her_ book—in his hands that he realised he didn't know her at all.

He knew the same couldn't be said for Ben. These two used to be stuck like glue, same with Five, and he couldn't even imagine how excited Ben was to read it.

So Klaus took it to group therapy.

He knew he was supposed to be listening to what everyone had to say. _My name is Sara and I am a drug addict,_ or whatever. Klaus was willing to try sobriety out, but therapy was a big no from the start. He'd rather sit in his spot of the circle in quiet, reading what his sister had to say.

Oh, how wrong he was.

_My name is Vanya Hargreeves, and this is my story._

Said story, in addition to some more generic ones, had a chapter dedicated to each one of the siblings. Funnily enough, they were in order of their numbers. Klaus shouldn't have been surprised.

He skipped through a bunch of pages, only glancing at Luther, Diego and Allison's chapters—but reading enough to know they would absolutely not be pleased with the book—and jumped straight to his.

_Klaus. What isn't there to say about Klaus? Labeled Number Four by our father, and The Séance by the public, Klaus never really stuck with any of the two. Or with anything, for that matter._

_Klaus always brought something new to the table, be it a new outfit or a silly joke. You couldn't get enough of him, and yet, he was always a mouthful. He always seemed so carefree, but there was no hiding what was underneath._

Klaus could feel Ben's urge to speak up. His brother had always been contained, but by that point in their lives, Klaus could see through him like glass, and right now, Ben needed to speak his mind.

He kept going, not bothering to ask Ben if he was done reading each page. Ben was a way faster reader than Klaus, and as long as he was above his shoulder, he'd be way ahead of him, probably even re-reading some parts.

_Klaus slipped into drugs as easily as he slipped into alcohol. No one knows exactly when it started, and I don't think anyone remembers a time he was sober either. What I do know is that we lost our brother to himself long before we lost Ben, or Five, even._

"Oh my God," Ben said, clearly ahead of him, and Klaus was afraid of what was to come.

_In the short time we lived together—when he came back in the academy after running away—I realised that the brother I knew was no longer there. Klaus and I were never really the closest of friends, but I knew enough to feel as if the person I was sharing my roof with was a stranger._

"She wrote that?"

_Our rooms were right next to each other's, separated by a thin wall. Ever since we were little, I could hear him weeping and screaming at night. And yet, he never cared enough to listen to me weep back._

"I can't believe she would do that."

"Shh!" Klaus shushed Ben without second thinking. He didn't even have to look up from the book to know he got weird looks from everyone in the circle. This is why he hated therapy session; eyes always on him, ears listening to every single one of his words or stutters…

 _Attention-seeking,_ Vanya had called him. _Senseless. Irresponsible._ It was as if she was throwing fancy adjectives around without knowing their cause.

Whatever. It wasn't as if he was going to visit Vanya anytime soon or bother sending her a Christmas card, so it served him right. Maybe it was better that way. The last thing Klaus wanted was for the whole world to know about his _ten-on-one_ sessions with the spirits that haunted him each night.

Five's chapter was strangely comforting.

Maybe it was because Klaus had finally escaped the torment that was his own personal trauma reminder, but he couldn't know for sure.

To be fair, there wasn't much to say about Five. He was young when he left, too young to screw up his life. Or perhaps he had, just in another time. Klaus could never conjure him, but he'd never conjured anyone besides Ben anyway, so who knew what had happened to him.

Ironically, Five's chapter was the longest out of all, not to mention the only one that was praising the person it was about so far. He caught Ben giggling at some parts, and couldn't help but smile. Klaus learned things about Five he hadn't known before, yet Vanya was careful enough not to reveal any personal stuff, unlike with everyone else.

_Ben._

There was something about seeing Ben's name in a neat font at the top of the page. It looked neat and composed. A small word followed by endless paragraphs, spilling every tiny detail about his life.

He took a quick glance at Ben, who had already started reading, captured by whatever it was that Vanya wrote.

It started out simple enough, with words anyone would use to describe Ben. _Kind, considerate, caring._

These words only lasted half a chapter.

_After Five left, Ben was the only one I had. Instead of standing next to me when I lost my best friend, he pretended as if it never happened, leaving me to cry my eyes out in my room._

_We started becoming strangers._

Klaus could see Ben shaking with the corner of his eye, yet he didn't dare to look at him directly. He kept reading silently instead, each paragraph taking a worse turn than the other.

_Sometimes I wonder if his death wasn't an accident. Ben always talked about how he wished he could be carefree like Klaus. Or ordinary, like me. Or dead. He used the word dead a lot._

_Maybe he finally found the freedom he was looking for._

Klaus closed the book.

"What are you—"

He stood up, leaving the book with the cover facing down on the chair, and walking away from the group.

"Hey, hold on, Klaus, what are you—"

"I gotta pee," Klaus interrupted Ben, and pointed towards the hallway that led to the bathroom before someone from rehab could restrain him.

Klaus had no intention of actually using it, but he had no intentions of finishing that book either. He was done.

But Ben never stopped yelling.

He was desperately trying to get Klaus' attention, as if his life depended on him. On that _book._ "Klaus, come on, this isn't funny—"

"Why do you care so much about something that hurt you?!" Klaus yelled back once they were in the dorms. The whole room was empty, not that Klaus was bothered by others looking when he talked to seemingly nothing.

Ben was only stunned for a second.

"Our _sister_ wrote these things, Klaus! How can I not?"

"Yeah, well, she shouldn't have!" Klaus said. "We already know we're fucked up, we don't need the entire world to know it too!"

"I'm not saying I like it, but—"

"But what?" Klaus interrupted Ben. "'She was going through a hard time'? Well guess what, while she practiced violin, Diego had his wrists dislocated over and over again."

"That's not—"

"Oh, and let's not forget about how I spent hours locked in a mausoleum, which is exactly why I became _an attention-seeking number,"_ he scoffed. "Unless you think that about me too, then yes, do consider what our dear sister has to say."

"I just—" Ben cut himself off mid-sentence, reconsidering his words. "Of course I don't think that about you, I'm _furious_ she'd write that. I'm just saying—"

"You _died,_ Ben!" Klaus snapped.

"Really? Hadn't noticed," Ben said bitterly. His arms were crossed, and he was avoiding Klaus' eyes. He hated it when Ben was like that. It was as if they were turning into whatever Dad wanted them to.

Klaus couldn't help but huff. "Glad you're aware. Because while Vanya felt left out, you were treated like shit, and now she's shit-talking you—"

"Why do you care so much about what Vanya has to say about me?!"

"Because you're my brother, and I love you!"

_I love you._

It wasn't as if Klaus hadn't said these words before. He always threw them around jokingly, especially to Ben, and he did mean them, always, but he couldn't remember any other time he'd been so serious about it.

They gave into silence, and Klaus turned his back to Ben, reaching for his pocket to grab a cigarette, only to realise he'd been confiscated of it last night. Great.

He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and letting a few tears flow. He hated fighting with Ben. It felt wrong in more ways than he could count, it _was_ wrong. They were alone in this world, and they were tearing it apart.

"She doesn't get to speak about you like that," Klaus finally said, not looking back. "She doesn't, okay? She doesn't."

Klaus felt as if he had his back turned for centuries, and yet there was no reaction from Ben. He would have expected a sarcastic comment by then, a _go fuck yourself,_ or at least a huff.

What was the point of this fight anyway?

"Ben?"

He dropped his stubborn act and turned around, only to see Ben sitting on the bed underneath Klaus' bunk, head buried in his hands.

Klaus cursed himself under his breath.

"Hey," he said as he sat down next to him. "Please don't cry, you're making me look like an asshole."

Ben let go of a half-assed chuckle and lowered his hands, looking at Klaus with tear-stained eyes. "Sorry?"

"Don't be," Klaus mumbled. "It's not your fault."

There was another moment of silence, but it didn't scare Klaus this time.

"You're right," Ben said. "I _am_ hurt."

"Shocking news," Klaus joked, which he quickly regretted the moment Ben laid his eyes on him. "Sorry."

"She was my best friend," Ben said. "And just… I just can't believe she'd _say_ these things, you know?"

Klaus hummed in response, not really sure what to say.

"And she's wrong." It wasn't often that Ben talked against Vanya. "I did not give up on her, I _tried_ to be there. She's wrong about me. Maybe she always has been."

Klaus would be lying if he said Ben's words didn't scare him. The last thing he wanted was for Ben to throw away another friendship, though he supposed that one had collapsed a long time ago. He knew better than to say anything about it.

"Fret not," Klaus said in his best british accent, "you have a cooler best friend now."

"Do I?" Ben smiled.

"Duh! Do you know many people that would honor you with a visit to _rehab?"_

They laughed, ignoring the fact that the visit wouldn't last long.

* * *

"Holy shit!"

Stopping in sight of something shiny was practically second nature to Ben at that point, so he wasn't even surprised when Klaus stopped them in front of another shop on that Monday evening.

Ben turned around only to see Klaus already entering said shop, and there was nothing he could do but follow. Klaus was already in the glasses section, gesturing frantically for Ben to come over.

"Look!" Klaus said, pointing at a pair of glasses that looked all too familiar.

The opaque blue wide lenses, the teal skeleton, the denim sun logo on the temples…

"Holy shit." Ben covered his mouth. "Are these the same ones?"

Ben didn't have to specify for Klaus to understand, and he was kinda grateful. _Are these the glasses Allison got me? The ones you stepped on all these years ago? Oh, also I wore them the day I died._

"They must have stolen them from the academy and repaired them," Klaus joked, and Ben rolled his eyes. "Ben, they're profiting off you."

Ben faked a gasp. "Are they?"

"Yes!" Klaus squealed. "We need to get them back. For justice."

"Okay, well," Ben said, looking at the only employee in the shop. "I don't think she's gonna take her eyes off you any time soon. We need a distraction."

"Got it," Klaus mumbled, and pretended to accidentally knock over the glasses display. The poor woman rushed to his side to pick them up, and Klaus managed to slip the pair he wanted into the pocket of his coat—which they had also stolen—as he helped her put them up again.

He was kicked out, but with the glasses in hand.

"Great job, everyone!" Ben put on his Reginald Hargreeves voice. "Truly exceptional job, Number Four."

"Pff," Klaus shook his head. "As if he would ever say that."

"Pricks don't know queens," Ben joked, and actually got a laugh out of Klaus.

Klaus took the glasses out of his pocket and placed them on his head like a headband. "Hell yeah, I'm a queen."

"Allison is quaking."

Klaus smiled. "That leaves us with only one errand for today." He clasped his hands together. "Drinks!"

Ben ended up waiting outside the supermarket. The sun had just set, but there was still light in the almost-empty parking lot.

When Klaus finally returned, Ben was more than surprised to see him hold a bag in one hand and a receipt in the other. He could probably sneak at least three bottles into the pockets of his coat, but for some reason decided to pay this time.

"You paid, Mr. Nice Guy?"

Klaus shrugged. "I guess the occasion got to me." The occasion being drinks.

Ben shook it off. With their drinks in hand and nothing else to do, they headed for one of their favorite spots in the city, the roof of an abandoned building. By the time they arrived there, it was already dark. They sat on the ground, and Klaus took out the first drinks; two cans of beer.

The sound of the can opening filled the air, and Ben wasn't ashamed to admit it was the most satisfying thing he had heard all day.

"There you go, your first beer!" Klaus placed one in front of Ben and brought the other to his lips.

"I've been having my first beer with you for the past twelve years," Ben said.

"Aw, you're so cute!"

"I know." Ben leaned against the edge of the roof. To him, it was no different than the softest sofa.

More than a decade after being dead, and Ben still couldn't describe what it felt like. It was as if all of his senses were there, but they'd been numbed. He felt no pain looking straight into the sunlight. He could hear, but there wasn't any tickle in his ears. He could smell, but not as well as he used to. He had no idea if he could taste things.

Ben could touch things, but he couldn't feel them. He felt _something_ when he put his hand against the floor, but it wasn't the cold cement. It was as if he got a preview of what it was like to be alive. No textures, no temperature, no pain… Only spectating.

"I still remember Luther's face when he saw me in these." Ben pointed at the glasses on Klaus' head. He needed a distraction from questioning his existence, whatever that was.

"You mean," Klaus put the glasses on and posed, even though there was no sun in sight. " _these?"_

Ben chuckled. "Indeed."

Klaus made another pose, and for a while, all they did was laugh. Ben could almost feel his stomach hurt from laughing too much. Eventually, Klaus stopped, leaving them room to breathe.

"You never did tell me his reaction," Klaus said.

Ben smiled, recalling the event. "He did the Luther face."

Klaus laughed once again. "The Luther face!"

Ben tried to hold back a smile as he gaped, forming a small _o_ with his mouth, and staring at Klaus as blankly as he could.

Klaus couldn't stop laughing.

"How can you do it so accurately?"

Ben joined him, his body thanking him for finally letting go of his giggles, and shrugged. "Have you met my best friend?"

"They sound great."

"They're a prick."

Klaus pointed at his face, as if he was agreeing, and chunked down the last of his beer. He leaned his head back, looking at the sky. It was a half-moon that night, but it shined brightly nonetheless.

"I used to look up to him," Ben said.

"Who? Luther?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah."

Klaus turned to him then. "Why?"

"I mean," Ben began. "He was Number One and I was Six. Everything he did seemed to please Dad, and… I don't know," Ben hugged his legs. "I wanted to fall in line."

"Who didn't?"

It was then that Ben noticed the way Klaus was looking at his untouched beer. Normally Ben would be discouraging of it, but he was feeling quite generous that night. "Knock yourself out."

"Thaaank you!" Klaus grabbed the beer and took a small sip.

"You think he's doing okay up there?" Ben asked.

Klaus shrugged. "I don't know. Wanna visit?"

Ben groaned.

He found himself looking up again. He still couldn't believe that their brother was currently up on the moon, watching the earth from so far away. It must have been beautiful.

"You think that if we were friends when we were young we wouldn't have turned out to be so fucked up?"

Ben turned to Klaus, surprised he was sober enough to form a full sentence like that. Maybe that was it though; he didn't know what he was thinking, so he asked about it instead.

"Nah." If he were to go back, Ben would, without a question, befriend Klaus earlier on. He doubted it would be enough to cover up years of abuse though.

"But maybe we'd be a bit happier," Klaus said, and it was as if the tables had turned, since Ben was usually the hopeful one.

"We still can be," Ben said, because he genuinely believed that.

Klaus thought about it for a second.

"Nah." He took another sip of his beer. "But I do have a surprise for you."

"Oh?" Ben raised an eyebrow, ignoring the leftover heavy feeling in his chest. "What is it?"

Klaus reached out for the supermarket bag then, dramatically taking out a chocolate cupcake and some candles. Turns out there weren't any more drinks.

"No way," Ben said through a smile.

"Tada!" Klaus said, placing the cupcake between them.

One would think Ben had gotten used to surprises by that point, but that was the thing about Klaus; surprises never stopped coming their way, be it a good or a bad thing. Tonight though? It was definitely a good thing.

Klaus opened the box, and sloppily placed all the candles they had on the cupcake, to the point you couldn't see its surface anymore. They still weren't anywhere close to twenty-nine though.

"Are we singing?" Ben asked.

"Of course we're singing!"

If there was a time to be grateful that Klaus had a lighter on him, it was then. After a few tries, he managed to light up all of the candles. They looked at each other and nodded, Klaus mouthing a countdown.

" _Happy birthday to us…"_

The candles lit up Klaus' face, reflecting against the lenses of his glasses—or were they Ben's?—and his eyes shined brighter than they normally did. He was dancing along to the melody with his fingers, and Ben couldn't help but do the same.

" _... happy birthday to us…"_

It was stupid, but he was this close to bursting into tears.

" _... happy birthday, Klaus and Benny!"_

Ben didn't even try to correct Klaus this year. The first time they celebrated together, they had decided that Mom's _dear children_ at the end of the verse—because God forbid if they sang the song seven times—had to be replaced. _Dear Ben and Klaus_ just didn't make the cut, so ditched the _dear_ and gave Ben a different name every year.

" _... Happy birthday to us!"_

They started blowing out the candles at the same time, and Ben couldn't help but wonder if his attempts did anything to help at all. After a few tries, the lights were out, and darkness fell upon the roof once more.

"Well that's filled with wax now," Klaus said as he took out the candles, and looked at the cupcake's surface. "I am not eating that."

He put the cupcake in the bag, along with the rest of the candles, and reached out for his beer again.

"Twenty-nine," Ben mumbled. "It's weird, isn't it?"

"We're one year closer to death!"

Ben laughed, because Klaus had clearly not thought about the sentence in his head. "Really?"

It took a moment, but when Klaus finally understood, he gasped. "Whoopsies." Their laughter eventually died out, just like the lights had. Klaus raised his beer, as if he was making a toast. "Happy birthday to us, then."

"Weren't we celebrating in December?"

Klaus shrugged. "I don't even remember the date we came up with."

Truthfully, while Ben remembered the day they came up with a new birthday, he didn't know the date anymore. Not that it was a problem. They celebrated their birthday every year on October 1st anyway.

Ben doubted the others celebrated the way they did. Vanya was probably spending the day alone, if not treating herself with some pizza. Five must have been alone too, wherever he was. Allison's entire crew probably threw a huge party for her, Diego was either fighting or patrolling, and Luther was on the goddamn moon.

Ben and Klaus were the only ones that celebrated together.

And that fact alone was enough to reassure Ben they were having the most fun.

He raised his hand, as if he was holding a drink himself, and pretended to be clinking it with Klaus'.

"Happy birthday it is."

* * *

_Klaus._

_KLAUS._

_Klausklausklausklausklaus—_

_KLAUS—_

_Help us, Klaus._

_HELP._

_KLAUS—_

Klaus jolted awake, sweating from head to toe, and gasping loudly. He didn't even try to look at his surroundings before he popped the pill he had in his pocket. Or was it more than one? He didn't pay attention to how many he downed. All he knew was that the ghosts wouldn't _shut up._

It was always like this, but at least he had a place to sleep the previous night. He'd broken things off with the guy he was sleeping with, and now he found himself sleeping under the fire escape in an alleyway.

Right. That's where he was.

He took a deep breath, focusing at the distant sound of the cars, but the more he listened, the more he realised the screech of the tires were too much like the screams he heard in his dreams every night—

Was that _The Hollies_ he heard?

As if someone had flipped a switch in him, the screams died out, and suddenly all Klaus could hear was the quiet singing of his brother, who was sitting at a higher level of the fire escape.

Klaus let himself breathe again. Ben. His voice was almost as soothing as the drugs.

Ben was always there when Klaus woke up, no matter the situation. It didn't matter if they had argued the previous night, it didn't matter if Ben was bored or if he could literally disappear into a boundless void, he'd stay there. The thought of being all alone for so long scared Klaus.

He wasn't sure whether Ben had noticed he was awake or not. He'd been singing the same song over and over for a while now— _We're Through_ by _The Hollies,_ because of course Ben would do that—and even though it was quiet, he wasn't trying to hide it. Then again, when had Ben ever shown any sign of shame in front of Klaus?

"You should be on America's Got Talent," Klaus said after a while. It could have been a few minutes, or an hour, Klaus didn't know.

Ben stopped, leaning his head outside the rail of the fire escape, and looking down at Klaus. "For what? Being a babysitter to a man child?"

"For breaking the world record of making someone's ears bleed." Klaus wouldn't say Ben's voice was bad, but it certainly wasn't like Allison's. It was raspy, and he struggled to hit the high notes, yet Klaus found comfort in it. Sometimes, when he was overwhelmed by the screams in his head, Ben would mumble songs at him, and it'd make it just a tad easier.

"I wouldn't have to if you hadn't lost the MP3," Ben said. Ah yes, the MP3, also known as their collectively shared music library. "You have no idea how boring it is waiting for you to wake up."

"Then I won't sleep again."

"Yeah, no." Ben shot him a disapproving look.

"Come down here, my neck is going to breeeeaaaaak…"

Ben disappeared from view, but his sigh was loud enough for Klaus to know Ben was on his way down. In less than half a minute, Ben was sitting next to him as Klaus stretched his neck. He'd never look up at the sky again.

"You okay?"

Klaus nodded, leaning against the wall. "Just swell."

"You sure?"

Another nod. Another sigh. Another song.

* * *

Leaving rehab didn't use to make Ben this nervous.

Klaus would check himself out the moment he was able to, and would somehow manage to get his hands on at least a mild type of narcotic. It was as if the universe wanted him to be high, though Ben knew he couldn't really blame him. If there was one person that understood Klaus' fear of ghosts more than himself, it was Ben.

But it wasn't just about the ghosts anymore. Klaus was numbing himself. From the world, from his feelings, from _Ben…_ And it wasn't just drugs either.

Klaus was selling himself.

It wasn't the job itself Ben hated; it was the fact that half of the people Klaus was sleeping with had most definitely never been checked for viruses and Klaus didn't care enough to be concerned. He got money, and he got sex. Ben would never understand it, but it was more than clear Klaus took pleasure in it.

They'd left rehab in a hurry—they always did—to meet Klaus' dealer. The meeting point was their usual alleyway, and for some forsaken reason, they could hear the police patrol not far from there. In the distance, the dealer's car was parked, and in front of it stood the dealer himself.

He was dressed in black—jeans, a hoodie, a leather coat—and Ben couldn't help but look down at his own clothes. He did not appreciate the resemblance.

They didn't exchange a word. Only a seemingly friendly hug, the drugs and money. They were both gone as soon as they arrived.

"What'd you take this time?" Ben asked, following Klaus to the nearest park. "More broken dreams?"

"Oh shut up, you party pooper." Klaus opened the bag and put a pill in his mouth in the middle of the street. Where the police was patrolling. Nice move, Klaus.

"Any plans for tonight?"

"Get high. Maybe go to a club."

"You're _already_ high." Ben didn't like raising his voice on Klaus, but sometimes he irritated him to no extent.

Klaus shrugged and popped another pill. "Not high enough."

Ben didn't comment on it, although he kinda wished he had. _High enough_ was a fantasy that didn't exist. Ben knew it, Klaus knew it. That fact never seemed to stop him.

They arrived at the park, eventually, and Klaus practically collapsed on the bench. He took a deep breath, grinning from ear to ear, somehow getting Ben to smile too.

"Enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts, Benny," Klaus said. "Because after that, we're going clubbing."

Ben sighed, trying to think of a way to calmly express himself. "I'm not saying you shouldn't go."

"But?"

"But." Ben sat next to Klaus. "You know."

"Do I?"

"You do."

Klaus groaned. "I don't wanna get a stupid motel."

Ben didn't know why he was getting nervous. Klaus was always like this. Dismissive and careless, too high to think for himself. He wasn't stupid, he just needed someone to give him a little push to the right direction sometimes. Yet, for some reason, Ben couldn't shake the feeling of uneasiness in his chest.

"Oh no."

His eyes fell upon the empty plastic bag on Klaus' hands, and for a second, Ben didn't know why his brother had reacted in such—

Empty.

The bag was empty.

And Klaus was laughing.

"Call an ambulance," Ben said, his voice trembling in fear. "Please, Klaus, for the love of fuck, call an ambulance right now."

"Will it make a difference though?" Klaus slurred, throwing the tiny bag, and watching it as it flew along the wind. "Look, it's flying!"

Had he been alive, Ben would be in a lot of pain by the way his nails were digging into his palms. "Klaus, get up, please."

"Just don't leave," Klaus mumbled before collapsing on the ground.

_Shit._

"No, no, no…"

It wasn't the first time Klaus had overdosed, but it was the first time he'd been all alone throughout it. Ben remembered the first time; he was screaming at the others to come help, but no one could hear. It was pure luck that brought Pogo in the living room that day.

And just like back then, Ben started yelling.

"SOMEONE HELP! ANYONE!"

No one called back.

Ben was losing the person he loved the most in the world, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Klaus was seizing, somehow managing to roll on his back, vomit building up in his mouth. Ben found himself switching from comforting Klaus to frantically trying to see if anyone was nearby, praying he wouldn't have to be joined by his brother in the afterlife—

Pure luck brought a police vehicle right outside the park, the same one that had been on patrol a few blocks back, and the officers immediately rushed to his aid.

Ben couldn't remember just when the ambulance had arrived. All he knew was that Klaus was wired up to a monitor again, and Ben had cried so much he couldn't breathe.

They'd shocked him at least two times, but there was no response. The beeping sound of the monitor was ringing in Ben's ears, and the fear of never hearing Klaus' voice again had just started to sink in—

Klaus jolted awake.

Third time really is the charm. Klaus' hands were trembling as he reached for the oxygen mask on his face, and he squinted through a laugh, just like he had in the park, as if nothing had happened.

For a split second, it felt as if Ben had been brought to life too.

And then he was angry.

"Do you have any idea how terrified I was?" he said with a trembling voice. "What was I supposed to do, call someone? You almost—" he stopped himself when he noticed Klaus was not even looking at him. "Are you even listening to me?"

Ben actually took a moment to stare into Klaus' eyes this time, only to notice he was looking at the small TV in the corner of the ambulance. Ben was about to speak up again, when the breaking news screen went away, replaced by a reporter and a picture of—

_"Moments ago, police reported the death of the most eccentric and reclusive billionaire."_

It was only then that they locked eyes again, and Ben was laughing long before the report had finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot begin to explain how important this fanfic is to me.
> 
> I've always struggled with multi-chapter fics, and even though this was only 3 chapters long, each other was approximately 7K words (chapter one was 6K, the second was 7K, and the third is almost 9K words. Holy crap). This is a huge step for me as a writer, A) because I'm starting to tackle more serious fandoms, B) my chapters/one-shots are getting longer and C) I am beggining to understand how multi-chapters work!
> 
> That said... the next multi-chapter of mine is already in the works :D
> 
> I'm planning on adding at least two more installments to this series, one being about the show itself through Ben's eyes (started as an EP1 re-write that went too far), and the other being my own speculations for S2. I have no idea which one is coming first, but I do know they're on the way.
> 
> Meanwhile, I do write a lot of one-shots, so be on the lookout for that — I upload almost every week!
> 
> I cannot thank you enough for all the comments, kudos, and the overall support you've shown me. Waking up to you yelling at me in the comments was one of the best parts about making this fic. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.
> 
> Till next time!  
> —Evelina (who is probably crying about Ben right now)

**Author's Note:**

> I would also like to take a moment to give a special thanks to my beta, [totallyevan!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallyevan/pseuds/totallyevan) I couldn't have done this without you boo. Thank you for staying up at night to read to all my nonsense.
> 
> While you wait for more of this story, [feel free to hmu on tumblr (evelinaonline)!](https://evelinaonline.tumblr.com/) My requests are open, and although I don't get to them right away, I am always in need of some inspiration!


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